Musings of an Underactive Mind

Literary Inspired Restaurant

2011-06-05T18:35:00.000-07:00

Appetizer:

Wuthering Bites. A sampler platter of our most popular hors d’œuvres including (3) Harry Potstickers, (1) order of the Lord of the Fries, and (2) Tortilla Flats stuffed with The Scarlet Cheddar

Soup:

The Perks of Eating a Cauliflower. A creamy cauliflower soup with pecorino romano and truffle oil.

Sandwich:

Ketchup in the Rye. Our famous hand carved ham with crisp romaine, tomato, mayonnaise, and ketchup served on rye.

Entree:

The Da Vinci Cod. A fresh caught cod fillet lightly seasoned with olive oil and Italian herbs. Served with Lime and Garnish, Mint.

Drink:

Tequila Mockingbird. A mix Jose Cuervo, Cherry, Orange, and Pineapple.

Dessert:

Crepes of Wrath. Our signature dessert. Ask your server about our available seasonal fresh fruit. All crepes served with our fresh homemade whipped cream and Candide Apples.

FULL Sun God 2011 Lineup

2011-04-01T14:02:00.000-07:00

Confirmed artists:

Wiz Khalifa - Yeah, uhuh, you know who he is.

Mike Posner - Mannnnn. Even I think I'm "cooler than him."

Crystal Castles - One of my favorite bands! The live show that these guys put on is something unforgettable.

MSTRKRFT - Just JFK will be showing up but that's enough for me, MSTRKRFT is going to be awesome. I hope somehow Death From Above 1979 makes a surprise appearance.

Best Coast -Some nice surf pop-rock for the San Diego kids, I'm down.

Jimmy Eat World - Aw man, I'm tearing up right now. These guys were my first concert back in the day with Taking Back Sunday. I want to hear throwbacks and only throwbacks.

LA Riots - Awesome.

Kill the Noise - Also awesome.

Ocelot - Oontze oontze.

Big Sean - Never listened to him before.

Dan Gurewitch and Axis of Awesome will be performing comedy routines this year.

************************************************************************

On April fool's day posters on campus claimed the lineup would include:

Kid Cudi (!)

Wiz Khalifa

Crystal Castles (!!!)

Sheryl Crow

Destructo

Ra Ra Riot (!!)

Shiny Toy Guns (!)

A-Trak (!)

Afrojack

Boys Noize (!)

The Ting Tings (!)

This image has been circulating starting on April 1st:

As awesome as it would be to see the Bloody Beatroots, Senses Fail, and Pretty Lights I'd have to guess this image is a fake for a few reasons:

1) Crystal Castles is not on it.

2) Bloody Beat Roots is supposed to be written as Bloody Beatroots.

3) Since when did UCSD have the budget to book both Cudi and Mau5.

4) But most importantly, Cali Swag District only has like one song, how could they do a whole set?

This page will be updated when everything is confirmed, I just thought I would start by sharing all the rumors.

Sharin' Random Thoughts on the Web Again, Blogging.

2011-01-05T09:08:00.000-08:00

Hello readers, if you are still out there. I don't blame you if you're not. This graph should speak for itself about what has occurred since my last post months ago in a year of just two.

I can explain though.

It all started, or rather ended, on March 29th, the day I hunted down fragments of the unknown Sun God festival lineup. I was very upset when I found about Drake, you know the Canadian Jewish guy from Degrassi who raps now, being the headliner. I foolishly stomped all over his street cred and was reported describing him as: "Last name, Garbage, first name, Total." I see now the err of my ways and I'm here to apologize. I was rude, pretentious, and immature. Aubry Drake Graham, is in fact, a very fun rapper to listen to.

After making that post I would receive comments daily about how dumb I was for attacking the guy. One anonymous user said:

Drake is a huge artist right now. Just because it's not what you're into doesnt mean that's what's popular. Sorry bulgarian yodeling isnt what was playing. The lineup is sick, stop being a b**ch about it.

Another person said:

your taste in music sucks...kid cudi over drake? thats ur pref? wow ur helllla lame. drake is gonna make sungod this year and after u still goin be a b**ch.

The general consensus seemed to be that I was indeed a "b**ch." I did not feel welcome on my own blog anymore. I ran to twitter, I ran to tumblr, I went outside for once. It was nice and all, but I kind of missed writing here and a choice few even still check here from time to time for posts (I'm lookin' at you roomies). So I have decided that I will face my fears of being hated on for my hate for Drake and love of Bulgarian yodeling by, well, embracing Drake.

You see, he is actually a master of both riddles and rap at the same time. Listening to a Drake song stimulates the mind because it is far more than words on a beat, it's actually an episode of my favorite game show Jeopardy. For example, in his hit single Forever, Drake gives us the answer "Swimming in the money come and find me..." leaving me with the chance to buzz in with "Who is Nemo?" Any other rapper could say "I'm swimming in the money like Nemo" but Drake makes it special. In the same song he goes on to say "If I was in the club you know I balled..." See now this one is a toughie because he tosses in some funny wordplay. "Balled" sounds like "bald", which is a side-effect of chemotherapy. This makes the correct answer "If I was in the club you know I balled, Chemo." Oh Drake you crafty, crafty man; nothing is funnier than cancer.

Here are a few of my favorites:

I could teach you to speak my language, Rosetta Stone

Two thumbs up, Ebert and Ropert

Smart kids that smoke weed, honor roll

Whaddaguy.

FULL Sun God 2010 Lineup

2010-03-29T14:08:00.000-07:00

This year's lineup is coming out early and it has both its ups and downs. So far it looks like we have:

Drake: Last name, Garbage, first name, Total. I am obviously bias though because I am not exactly a fan of rap. If it had to be a rap headliner why not Cudi, Chiddy Bang, Aesop Rock or something??? (I would like to acknowledge now that I recognize the talent of Drake...but it's just a personal preference, so yeahhh)

DJ Z-Trip: I dug his mashups on DJ Hero. No replacement for Girl Talk though. A-Trak or Super Mash Bros. woulda been awesome but this is still pretty cool!

Michelle Branch: Sarah Bareilles last year filled this niche. It's all the same "la de da" to me.

Relient K: No.

Designer Drugs: ELECTRO! Happiness at last. Missed them at the Voyeur last month.

THRICE: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

B.o.B: I will refrain from commenting on B.o.B because I can just imagine the kind of retaliation I will get for my less-than-ecstatic opinion...

Crash Kings

Skeet Skeet: lol...

Robbed By Robots: Some of the best remixes of the bands I already love like Phoenix and Metric that I have ever heard. I'm reallllly stoked to see this guy. I am just a little confused about why the Sun God Official page has a track remixed by Kids at the Bar playing on his page.

Shark Attack: Never heard of them before but after giving them a listen I think I am extremely happy with this year's presence of electro.

The Parson Red Heads: Pretty good stuff. Think indie Partridge Family.

Diversion Sound: This band won the Battle of the Bands last night and totally deserved it. They have awesome stage presence, awesome music, and the awesome drummer poured water on his awesome drums. Freakin' water on the drums! Brilliant.

HEALTH Concert

2010-01-25T20:51:00.000-08:00

Hey guys I would say "I'M BACK AND I'M GOING TO START POSTING OFTEN AGAIN!" but I have already made that promise three times so far and broken it. I think I have commitment issues. This time I'm promising nothing. So there.

So yeah, the HEALTH concert was this past weekend and it was awesome! The opening band was a trio called Tape Deck Mountain, whose lead singer was actually a recent UCSD graduate. He asked us "how many of you guys go to this school?!" Only I, my friend Vincent who came with me, and about 5 other people responded. UCSD does not take full advantage of the awesome free concerts we get on campus. Well they're not really free...I mean they're free after a billion dollars of tuition.

Tape Deck Mountain was a real pleasant surprise. The lead singer/guitarist had a voice very similar that of Ben Gibbard, just a bit more melancholy. I would call them Death Cab for Ugly. The singer used a series of foot-operated loop makers throughout the show which kept things interesting...especially in the first song where homeboy accidentally pressed a few too many buttons and tried to play it off as some kind of fancy interpretive breakdown. But I saw the sweat on his brow and the confusion in the eyes of the other members. Which reminds me, the drummer had a mustache. I think mustaches are the new hipster trend. Which further reminds me, everyone at the show seemed to be hipsters. One dude looked like Super Mario with his thick hipster stache, messenger boy hat, and red American Apparel hoodie. He was also 5 feet tall. I wish I had photographed him.

But now onto the main event! HEALTH. HEALTH is by far my favorite experimental electronic noise rock band. The show was pretty intense with all the fans stomping around, moshing, and pumping their fists to the beat of the drums. Vincent and I started out standing together but in the end we found eachother in opposite corners of the Loft covered in sweat. If you have not heard of HEALTH you should check them out. You may have actually heard them before (most likely in Crystal Castle's remix of their song Crimewave.)

What A Quarter! x_x

2009-12-16T10:04:00.000-08:00

So you all may not have noticed but I have not been exactly posting very often.

This quarter things got serious. I have learned much about the world and its cruel workings. I learned that 24 hours is not enough in a day (even without sleeping), I learned that O Chem, Physics, Physics Lab, and Chem Lab should not all be taken simultaneously, I learned that Methyl trichloride can put you to sleep in more than one way, and I learned that Asher Roth has absolutely no concept of what college is really like.

I could just go on about how much school sucked in boring detail and make this one of those sad posts that nobody really likes to read. So, I will.

It was hard people. Real hard. Never in my life have I just hoped to pass a class. This is how my goals for the quarter developed as the weeks went by:

Week 1: Kick some butt dawg, get straight A's and have some fun on the side.

Week 3: Okay maybe you can't exactly have too much fun, maybe go to a concert or two on the side while still attending your club meetings and work. GET A's!!!

Week 5: Okay so midterms did not go so hot. No more fun. A's are still attainable, in some classes. I will just stop going to all my clubs, that'll give me some time.

Week 7: There is no shame in getting B's. I just want to sleep.

Week 9: There is no shame in getting some C's either.

Week 10: "GOD, I KNOW WE DONT REALLY TALK BUT I JUST WANT TO PASS THESE CLASSES!!!!"

Week 11: I just never want to look back on this quarter, ever.

Never, ever.

The Aquabats!

2009-10-10T12:54:00.000-07:00

The Aquabats are the coolest guys around. I've been in love with this band for as long as I can remember and am even an official Aquacadet. I know, cool huh?

Without exaggeration, this concert was simply the best show I have ever been to. It was at Magic Mountain and everyone was going crazy. The hour before the show started the fans were already waiting and the band, being teases, would occasionally poke a limb out from behind the curtain and the crowd would go wild. When the band finally came out even the security guards who always have to look so hardcore and mean were holding back chuckles and tapping their feet. I sang along to the whole concert along with hundreds of other crazy fans as the Commander (lead singer) thwarted the evil Red Lobster on stage and did backflips off of the amp. For "Pool Party" there were tons of beach balls and funoodles flying all over the place. By the end of the show I had lost my voice and found eternal happiness.

Outside I met some guys who told me they put their friend, who dressed up as an Aquabat, in the bass drum case. Security escorted us to a gate behind the equipment without noticing that a kid was in the case. The guys told me that their friend planned on meeting the Aquabats, who I think would actually be totally stoked to find a fan in their bass drum case. Too bad that case did not belong to the Aquabats, but actually Everclear. We tried to tell security for like 10 minutes that their friend is in the case and that they should let him because we thought he may have passed out/died in the case, but it seemed that security people don't comprehend English. Finally the kid pushed open the lid and popped out. Surprisingly, security looked surprised. They reprimanded our hero and told him "IF YOU TRY AND PULL SOMETHING LIKE THAT AGAIN I SWEAR YOU WILL GET KICKED OUT OF THIS PARK!" Not much of a threat considering it was already close to closing time. Here's a picture of that cool guy when he emerged:

Here are some pictures from the show:

Oh yeah and Everclear was there too:

That father of mine will buy you a garden and whatnot.

Sour Potato

2009-10-10T12:51:00.000-07:00

Found this little guy hiding in the back of a cabinet at my house over summer. Crazy.

Blog Clog 2

2009-10-10T12:48:00.000-07:00

So, imma siiick and don't wanna do Organic Chem homework so I thought I would go back to blogging about all the things I've been wanting to write about for a while now. So yeah, I am back and going through my camera ready to start posting again.

Working Out Didn't Work Out

2009-09-18T19:48:00.000-07:00

So I go back to school tomorrow.

I left school planning to take advantage of my free time to get in shape. You know go to the gym daily, pump some iron, lose some weight, the whole dealio. I certainly did get into a shape. But a sphere was not what I had originally intended on.

I'd like to blame the world for my problems though, I certainly did try (I really did Nikko and Kent.) First off I wanted to play racquetball nearly everyday. But it turns out that outside of school in the real world that the sport costs a lot of money to play if you don't live in an apartment. So then I thought why not try using the elliptical running machine I own. I got on it and then instantly it tried to kill me.

Proof:

So you may ask why didn't I just try another machine? Well I looked and I found the Bowflex. And that thing looks like the thing that pulled that guy's ribs out in one of the SAW movies. No thank you.

Working out is too much effort.

Anyone wanna play racquetball with me at UCSD?

The Naboo Defense Forces Owe Me A Refund

2009-09-12T10:12:00.000-07:00

This has been one cruel summer in the San Fernando Valley. It's been hotter than Jessica Alba and Eva Green playing Super Smash Bros. together.

Yeah, that hot.

But luckily I have my "trusty" Vantage Portable Air Conditioner with fancy shmancy heat pump technology that's supposed to bring me optimal cooling in a compact and attractive design. Ok well, I'm not sure if you could tell I was trying to be sarcastic...I mean quotes around the word "trusty" may not have been enough. Well just so you know, I was being very sarcastic.

I absolutely despise that thing. It has all these fancy gizmos on it that never have worked. It claims to be an air conditioner but its pretty much just a fickle fan. It looks just like R2D2 from Star Wars and that is the nickname it has around the house. Every day you can hear someone in my house yelling "R2 won't turn on!" or "R2's making weird shreiking noises again!" Well finally we decided that R2D2 has overstayed his welcome in our household, and a few day ago I had him pack his bags up and leave. About time.

All Concerts Should Be Like This

2009-09-02T20:33:00.000-07:00

Check out this swag:

Looks like I went on a mad JC Penney shopping spree or something huh?

I actually picked all of this (10 dollar JCP gift card, tote bag, chapstick, Ryan Sheckler tech deck and t-shirt, random bro shirt, sampler cd, hand sanitizer, two women's Arizona charm bracelets, post-its, notebooks, and key chains) from a Hockey concert...as you can probably tell by the picture of the poster I stole from the Troubador.

A few weeks ago JC Penney announced a new concert series: JCP Front Row featuring Hockey. Hockey is an awesome dance rock band that I got into after missing their performance at UCSD so I was really excited to get another chance to see them for free at the Troubador in West Hollywood. (You may recognize their music from that JC Penney commercial where the kids are all up on the lunch tables having a little Southpole fashion show.) The JC Penney website also mentioned free food and door prizes including the hottest JCP fashions. OMG I KNOW RITE? I was totally there. And so were a bunch of other people, who had absolutely no idea who Hockey was that just wanted to get some free stuffs. Those people were pretty easy to pick out from the crowd. For about every 3 young hipsters with their headbands, wristbands, and shirts-with-bands on them there was one middle aged dude or a random family with young kids. I kid you not, behind me at the show was a fat bald 50 year old man with his two 5 year old daughters looking through his and their tote bags of goodies the whole time waiting for the concert to end so he could win some jeans or whatever in the raffle. But this had to be the funniest conversation I overheard outside of the venue that night:

Hipster to random hispanic family: So do you guys like the band?

Mom: Well not really we are mostly here for the prizes. The kids actually thought they were going to see people playing ice hockey so they're a little upset.

Kid: I WANNED PLAY HOCKEY!

Lol!

I'm not complaining though, I wish ALL concerts were free and gave me this much swag. Hockey is awesome. You guys should check them out here. Now behold my amazing concert pics:

Performin':

Tellin' the fat bald guy behind me to just leave:

Playin' random harmonica:

Playin' drums with the drummer:

Bein' epic for my camera:

Indian Independence Day

2009-08-30T10:59:00.000-07:00

On the 15th I went to the San Fernando Valley's Indian Independence Day Celebration. Every year it is pretty much the same story: A bunch of Indian families coming together to pick up some free swag like some Indian flag key chains and dish network pens, watch some song and dance performances (which are the same every year,) and walk around the fair 40 times looking for the cheapest samosa available.

At the festival the young Indian guys and gals gather to scope out potential mates. The genders travel in packs usually. The guys glance and point as subtly as possible as to avoid arousing the suspicions of the girl's parents who would not be scared to slap them right there. The girls all look and giggle when they find someone they like. All in all though, nobody will ever take action at one of these things though because that would just make too much sense, it's better to just look for someone on the internet or get an arranged marriage when you're 30. Plus there are much more important things to look at.

The performances are what I am talking about of course! This years lineup had the same exact lineup as the ones before it: kids dancing bhangra, yawn-inducing traditional dance numbers, and of course Omer "Jackson!" Omer is this Michael Jackson impersonator that comes every year and is just phenomenal! This year he really had to do something special though to honor the late king of pop, and he brought it. It was the best performance of the night. Another notable performance was buy youth dance group E.L.E.C.T.R.O.B.A.T.T.L.E.S., who every year I get excited about expecting some awesome electro-synth-pop-rock band. What on earth could that acronym stand for?! This year on the lineup as the closer was a band called Chili Beatz. I expected something HOT. FIRE. CHILI. Not to mention their choice of using a Z instead of an S in Beatz. That's edgy. I expected something even more hardcore than E.L.E.C.T.R.O.B.A.T.T.L.E.S., perhaps an Indian rock band that would get everyone up on their feet and into an insane mosh pit. I dont know why I imagined something like that to happen. I forced my family to stay until the end to listen to this awesome sounding band. They came on stage and played Bollywood songs from the 60's and 70's. At least my dad enjoyed it.

My favorite aspect of the night though was in the form of a failed vendor. Some punks thought they could come to a celebration of India's indpendence from the cruel Brits and sell us some Fish and Chips from a booth decorated with the Union Jack. Really?! Indian people are not gonna spend 8 bucks on two pieces of fish. Gees, learn who you are selling to next time.

Blog Clog

2009-08-29T07:09:00.001-07:00

So recently it has come to my attention that my blog has been clogged for quite some time and that world has had enough time to realize that Bucky Lasek's a jerk. I've been busy going to work and making a new mash album (which you can download here.) But now that the album is done with I'm back to the blogosphere! Exciting huh?

On Bucky Lasek

2009-08-07T15:21:00.000-07:00

Charles Michael Lasek, or simply Bucky, is quite the skater, and is perhaps one of the best alive. He's won 10 X Games medals (6 of them being gold) as well as countless other titles and medals in other competitions like the Dew Tour and Vans Triple Crown. He's quite the vert skateboarder isn't he? Some of my readers have come to me asking why then did I rejoice at his loss in my previous post? The answer is simple. BUCKY IS A BIG MEANIE.

The year was 2005, the 2nd time I went to the X Games, back when I was a little boy with dreams and heroes. I watched the Vert Best Trick Competition in which I saw two of my favorite skaters, Shaun White and Bucky, giving all they got to get the gold. I remember Shaun White attempted to pull off a 1080 twenty nine times in that competition! 29! I was a big fan of both White and Lasek at the time and after the competition, which neither of them won, they were set to have coinciding autograph sessions. My sister wanted to see Shaun White but I wanted to go see Bucky, my hero. I always admired that man. I'd watch his skate videos on the internet and I would always choose him when I played Tony Hawk's Pro Skater. But that fateful day, things changed.

I waited in line with many other hopefuls to meet the man himself. I stood there for an hour thinking about what kind of small talk I would make with him. Would I congratulate him for his attempts, ask him how the family was doing, should I high five him?! My mind was racing. He was getting very late though. Another hour had passed and my sister had already met Shaun White and was telling me how cool he was as she showed me the personalized message he wrote on a poster for her.

After waiting over two hours for that man some lady walked out of the tent he was supposed to be in ages ago and nonchalantly told the crowd "Bucky's kinda bummed about the competition. He's not up for giving out autographs right now." And that was that. Bucky let me down. I was in the front of that freakin line for so long! FOR NOTHING.

Ever since that day when Bucky skates, I boo. Congrats Pierre Luc Gagnon, or PLG, for getting the Gold in this year's Vert Competition. To me PLG now stands for Pwn Lasek Guy.

Ups And Downs of This Year's X Games

2009-08-04T09:29:00.000-07:00

The Ups:
-Saw some fool doing tricks on his skateboard in the Park Bowl during the BMX warm-ups. That fool turned out to be THE Tony Hawk.
-At X Fest there was a card-throwing game in which you had to land the card into a far-away hat to win a prize. I sucked so bad at the game but on my last toss I somehow managed to land my card into the deck it came from. I was given a prize for that.
-Bucky Lasek did not win the vert competition.
-Got really good seats for the skateboard vert competition (cant say the same for BMX vert.) They should just make the half-pipe out of Plexiglas or something transparent so the people seated behind the ramp can still see.
-Had an overall great time.

The Downs:
-The recession had taken its toll on the amount of free stuff that is given out. One year I came home with a life time supply of Right Guard Deodorant, a Taco Bell Taco Hat and Bell, tons of Posters, skate DVDs, loads of music CDs, headphones and DVD rewrites from Maxell, a stomach fill of Mountain Dew and NOS, and a bunch of other things like pens, cards, and candy. This year I came home with a tote bag, some Warheads, and some Lemonheads. Oh, and a beaded chain that says "NGK Spark Plugs" that turned my neck blue.
-My diet for the day included, 2 cans of Rockstar, 1 bottle of Muscle Milk, 1 bottle of Cytomax Energy Drink, and 2 Taco Bell Lava Tacos. But then again it was all free!
-During the BMX vert finals I got a text telling me I had won a skate deck from a Twitter contest and had to go pick it up at the Fingerboard booth. I left during the finals to run over to a far off booth to receive my brand new skateboard ... I should have expected it to be Tech Deck seeing that it was at the Fingerboard booth.
-I always think I'm too cool for sunscreen. And like the cool guy I think I am I wore my sunglasses all day. I now look like Rudolph.
-Diogo Canina getting silver, after getting gold.

Diogo Canina Wins X Games BMX Park Gold! NOT

2009-08-02T12:55:00.000-07:00

Diogo Canina is my favorite BMX rider out there today. Last year at the BMX super park finals he got my attention as a man of style, determination, and courage. He came out winning silver to the 2 time gold winner Daniel Dhers. This year I crossed my fingers hoping he would take home the gold. And boy did he get close, as close as possible.

SO this how it went down yesterday: Diogo was in the first of two heats in which he scored the highest score from his group as well as the group that biked in the 2nd heat. That's definitely something to be proud of. Usually there's something called a "final" that takes place after the leaders of the two heats are established, but this year ESPN thought it'd be cool to cut things short. After the second heat they announced Canina as the gold medal winner! I sat there initially confused about this...I mean I paid to see a FINAL. But hey, my boy won! I just decided to clap along with the rest. Diogo looked so happy on his buddy's shoulders fist pumping, high fiving, and chucking his helmet and pads into the bowl. Then after half the audience had left the announcer was like "oh...mang...uhhh...yeah...you're gonna have to give that back dawg. We lied."

Oh ESPN you kidders. Acting like you guys don't know how your own competition works. Ashton Kutcher then came out and told Diogo he got Punkd and took his check and medal and told him he'd have to skate in the finals now.

So he did. And he lost. By one point. Scotty Cranmer: 132. Diogo Canina: 131.

Bummer.

Teacher of the Double Feature

2009-07-31T09:01:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to a screening of Funny People. Although the reviews so far have not paralleled Judd Apatow's other hits, I personally think the movie was worth watching. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll have a good time, yadda yadda, its basically 2 hours and 30 minutes of catharsis and knob gags. I thought it was pretty good though.

But enough about the movie, I witnessed something much more interesting as I was leaving the theatre, actually EVERYONE probably saw it. It was these three girls who were leaving Funny People and "sneaking" into The Ugly Truth.

First off if you're sneaking into that movie there is already something quite wrong with you. I just have to comment on how poorly people go about sneaking into another movie. In the past I will admit I am guilty of a double feature or two but at least when I did it, I did it with poise and style.

This is how not to do it (what I saw those three girls do):
1) Run around the theatre looking for a good movie...then choosing The Ugly Truth
2) Splitting Up. It looks kinda fishy when all three of you are apart running around and looking for eachother.
3) Frantically looking around for ushers. Don't act like you've got anything to hide, ushers are like dogs, they smell fear.
4) (The icing on the cake) The way the girls entered the theatre was just fail sauce to the max. Yeah, that bad. Let me break this down even further:

They were initially actually tip toeing
They were glancing back and forth at eachother restraining giggling that increased as they got closer to the door.
When they were about 3 yards away from the door they began to run and flail their arms in the air.

5) The movie was already halfway over.

This is how to do it (the Sameer way):
1) Foresight. You should know what time your desired movie is playing and choose it based on when the first movie ends.
2) As you walk in the theatre get an idea of where the movie may be playing next. For example if on my way to Funny People I walked past Harry Potter at screen 8, there's a good chance it'll be playing there again after Funny People.
3) After your movie ends follow the crowd of people into the bathroom. When you leave you now look like a new movie goer. Ushers are like fish, they don't remember people for longer than 10 seconds.
4) Maintain you're composure, don't stress out. Nobody ever gets caught...right???
5) Walk in with confidence, like you made the movie. Slow paced, there's no hurry, just look cool. While you're at it why not even toss a nod at the usher. Look at you now. Let's watch us some Harry Potter, on the house.

It's the Hard-Knock Life

2009-07-22T13:45:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to the premiere of Orphan. It was a pretty good horror movie, nothing too special about the plot but I have to say I was very much into it! Also the twist was pretty nuts.

The movie has actually stirred up quite the controversy though over the negative impact it is expected to have on the adoption of real orphans, or should I say murderous devil children. I myself have always seen adoption as a noble and kind deed; sharing your home and love to a child that needs it most, offering him or her a "normal" life with the warmth and security that comes with being a family, maybe even something I'd want to do one day. Well after last night...my opinion has changed. This movie has shown me that all Orphans dress weird and are probably out to murder me and my family.

This movie, or should I say expose, has revealed the truth about orphans and now the Congressional Coalition on Adoption is upset. They sent an angry letter to the movie's producers stating that "We are concerned that in addition to its intended entertainment value, this film will have the unintended effect of skewing public opinion against children awaiting families both in the United States and abroad." Many adoption advocates have even gone as far as to boycott the film. They believe that this movie will be the last straw on the camel's back when it comes to a family considering adoption. I could not agree more. Lets see the pros and cons of adopting why don't we:

Pro: You could potentially be saving a life.
Pro: You can know that you helped change someones life for the better.
Pro: You could finally have a child if you were unable to have one of your own.
Con: The kid could smell funny.
Pro: You could share your love with a child who may feel lost or abandoned.

Oh wow the Pros seem to greatly outweigh the Cons...wait...wait...what about this one:

Con: The child could end up being homicidal sociopath out to kill anyone that gets in its way as it tries to single-handedly destroy your family.

Yeah...I just don't know about adoption anymore. To make things even worse, I also just watched the newest Harry Potter last weekend...and guess what? Voldemort was an orphan. Yes, freakin VOLDEMORT!

Simply The Best Tweeting Korean BBQ Taco Truck I Have Ever Tasted

2009-07-19T22:04:00.000-07:00

Yes, of all tweeting Korean BBQ taco trucks I have ever eaten at the famous Kogi Truck must be the best. I had a Korean short rib breakfast burrito last night at midnight after waiting in line for 2 hours with hundreds of people on the most random street corner ever. Sounds great huh?

So many times at night I lay in bed praying for a Korean taco truck to pull up outside my house. The closest thing to that dream I have ever gotten was some dude with a push cart screaming "elote! elote!" outside of my window at 8:00 AM.

Apparently not everyone values the awesomeness of the truck though. The woman living on the blessed street corner last night was probably a little creeped out at first when 100s of teenagers began lining up outside herself at 9:00 PM for no apparent reason. She also did not seem to appreciate all of us storming her drive way and lawn while screaming the praises of Kogi as Lil Jon's "Get Low" blared in the back...

As I waited for my taco I noticed her peering out of her window in fear. Poor lady, I shoulda given her a bite of my burrito.

The Kogi truck should park it at my place. Everyone should definitely try it once. It is the only reason Twitter serves any purpose.

Hablo Español

2009-07-17T07:33:00.000-07:00

In my life I've taken 3 years of high school Spanish and I always felt like I could never use what I knew in the real world. Even on my first day of College Spanish all I could understand, or rather needed to understand, was when the professor said that there would be no English spoken, nunca. NUNCA!!!

So I left and never showed up again.

I obviously lack confidence in my Spanish skills. I mean I always do seem to get by when I am approached by Spanish speakers who think I'm Latino with one of the following:

-"No se." (this one actually also got me through high school Spanish)

-"Pues...pues...pues......tengo que irme...hasta luego."

-"¡NO HABLO ESPANOL!" (for emergency-use only)

But these 3 can only work for so much. In the real world, full of Spanish speakers and decent movies on Telemundo that I always want to watch, one requires more Spanish than that.

It turns out though that I actually am ready for this scary Spanish world out there. Yes, I actually found this out a few days ago when while driving with my sister we noticed a little fiesta going on set up by the Spanish radio show Piolin Por la Manana ("El Show #1 en la Pais.") They had hot dogs, music, raffles, and a MONEY BOOTH! I had to force myself to understand what was being said so perhaps I could win a chance to get in that money booth!

I usually am so discouraged by hearing people speak Spanish I don't even bother to try and comprehend, but now it was different. I understood everything! It was like Spanish 1 and 2 all over again; they had the people compete by having them name as many things of a certain category as they could in 5 seconds. The first guy was asked to name as many sports as he could (chapter 5 of my Spanish 1 book,) another guy was asked to name things found in an office(chapter 3 of my Spanish 1 book,)and the last person was asked for emotions (chapter 2 of my Spanish 2 textbook.) What on Earth?! I could have won that competition if chosen! I cannot believe how well my high school Spanish class prepared me for the real world. Thank you Mrs. Rodriguez and Realidades , I now have the confidence to watch the Godfather on Telemundo.

There Has to be a God

2009-07-08T14:17:00.000-07:00

Many times in my life I will come up with a joke in my head that would only work in a certain situation, most of the time they suck and never get told, but this year my prayers have been answered twice already.

1) A few months ago I was listening to a song by the band Sparta called "Taking Back Control" and in my head I really hoped my roommate would ask me who was singing the song, something he rarely ever does, so I could yell "THIS IS SPARTA!!!!" And guess what? The joke gods answered my prayers and instantly he asked me.

2) Today, 7/8/09, I got to pull another joke out of my pocket. I was just dying all day for someone to ask me for the date and in class some dude did. I told him in my Batman voice: "today is why six was afraid of seven." He gave me a dirty look. I walked away with a big smile on my face.

Oh life why are you so good to me?

Why You Buggin?!

2009-07-07T13:57:00.000-07:00

In class today I sat in the only open seat in the back next to some kid with a swarm of gnats around him (it may not have been his fault...but I don't know, he was a little funky.) Well there were five of them and they were all extremely swift.

They were all up in my grill and I was not having none of that so they had to perish.

During the first hour of class my approach was subtle because after my first violent karate-chop the professor and several classmates looked at me like I was special. The bugs were so tiny so nobody else saw them but me and funkmaster flex in front of me. I continued to fight them off casually as they circled my head and made it difficult to take notes.

By the second hour I was getting a little more fed up and realized I had to step up my game if I wanted to get anything done. I still maintained my composure though. I would act as if I had to scratch my head or something and on the way up I would try to grab the nuisance but I just could not catch a single one.

THAT'S IT! I HAVE HAD WITH THESE MOTHER@#$%ING GNATS IN THIS MOTHER@#$%ING CLASS

By the third hour I frankly did not care what the class thought of me. I put down my pen and got in the zone. I filled my mind with images of Barack Obama's famous interview, Venus fly traps, and that scene in The Karate Kid where Mr. Miyagi catches flies with his chopsticks. I went ballistic and instantly slapped down two of the five onto my notebook then swiped them with my pen. A third was on the wall beside me. I saw it with my peripheral vision and when it least expected BAM I slapped it dead. The other two grew brains and kept their distance from me. If I run into those two tomorrow they will suffer the same fate as their brethren.

Sorry PETA but I cannot have gnats ruining my education anymore.

I Made A Mistake

2009-07-04T21:14:00.000-07:00

So as you can see the previous two posts do not belong on my blog. But I guess it is something...seeing that I have not posted for a week now. I could have just deleted the posts instead I suppose, but then my followers woulda seen them anyways. Well might as well take advantage of this blunder to advertise my other blog: I Found It In My News Feed!

Yeah so those two mistake below are examples of what gets posted there. It's made up of a bunch of funny status updates people find from their friend's Twitter or Facebook news feeds. Check it out if you have some time and please send some in! Here are some of my favorite submissions:

Jane Doe: If you're gonna play games on your phone while you're in the can, at least turn the sound off.

John Doe: Highway sign tells me to "Use Cation". What if I only have anions?

Pocket Called to Pocket Caller: I am on the phone with your pocket right now. im not going to hang up, because its kinda fun guessing what you are doing

Jane Doe: In line at trader joe's and this kid pulled down his mom's pants. She has a tattoo that says "I'm da party" on her ass. Wow.

John Doe: is amused by the homeless man that took a shower in my floor's bathroom on the eighth floor with my floormates' shower supplies, and left a lighter and a bottle of mysterious yellow liquid

2009-07-04T21:11:00.000-07:00

Jane Doe: OMG WUT I can watch Alf on YouTube!

From: Coe

2009-07-04T21:04:00.000-07:00

Jane Doe: I just hit a turtle with my car. That's like a golden ticket to hell right?

From: Bonbon

Billy Mays: The Man, The Myth, The Legend

2009-06-28T10:19:00.000-07:00

This has been an awful week in the world. Protesters dying in Iran should be enough to upset anyone, along with the deaths of Ed McMahon and Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson, whose greatest hits I cannot stop listening to during these past few days.

Today cruel fate has taken yet another life, that of Billy Mays.

Billy Mays was just amazing to me. I pride myself on having seen almost every infomercial on television, and with the exception of the Magic Bullet and Snuggie, the only products that have any appeal to me are those sold by Mr. Mays. He was just amazing at how he pitched the product to his viewers with so much zeal and professionalism. I honestly think he could sell a bag of turd and I would be tempted to call now. He was great at what he did and I hope his family is doing well. I know he was probably a man that had much more to his life than being a television direct-response advertisement salesman, but nevertheless that is the only way I knew him and I wrote this poem on his behalf:

The Days of Mays

In the days of Mays my heart was content,
When life became dull he was never absent,
I'd channel surf for hours when nothing was on,
And just in time he'd show up yelling "KABOOM, it's gone!"

All of his products he made look like gold,
Since the time of OxiClean the man had me sold,
The Hook, the Putty, the Gopher, the Mendit,
All have found a place in my heart and my cabinet.

That Shamwow dude may be young and with-it,
But with Mays came great products like the SIMONIZ Fix It,
Does Senior Slapchop have the Samurai Shark or OrangeGlo?!
I stuck with Mays before and after that other guy beat some ho.

Billy Mays was nothing short of greatness,
His speech, his style, his attitude: all seamless,
I hope he passed peacefully in just one easy payment,
May he rest in peace, the king of advertisement.

Youtube Flame War Depression

2009-06-24T16:09:00.000-07:00

So today after a boring day of learning about cavemen in my history class for 3 hours I logged into Youtube ready to enjoy some of today's top videos. Sadly the top videos were of the riots in Iran and the only video that stood out from the bunch was one of Perez Hilton sobbing like a little baby about getting beat up by Will.I.am. After witnessing a good 5 minutes of Perez oozing lame sauce I decided to look for a nice flame war to post up by the many trolls on Youtube, as I've been doing this past week. I found a lot of stuff actually. The problem is...I found WAY too much stuff. Everybody is talking about killing Perez or other commenters, the straights are hatin on the gays, the gays are hatin on the straights. If I were to copy the "best" flame war from the video it would have been basically the whole comment wall.

I have learned a lot about internet society in the past few days. There are far too many digsgustingly cruel people who love to be hateful when we have the chance to be anonymous, and I just love to watch. I learned that CAPS LOCK can be your best friend when you want to make a point. I learned all about the behavior of the internet troll.

Friends, let me tell you how these people, the trolls, work. The trolls are becoming an overwhelming demographic on Youtube. It seems that they are the only ones with things to say nowadays. This is how you spot a troll (it's not very hard):
1) They LOVE to disagree, no matter what the video is about.
2) They tend to use the F word at least 3 times per comment.
3) If the flame war gets too hot they claim it was all "just a joke" and that everyone needs to "chillax," or whatever these interweb-hipsters say nowadays.
4) They tend to have brightly colored long hair, usually pink or green, and are not fond of wearing clothes.
5) They are real sticklers for your grammar, but have no regard for their own.
6) CAPS SON!!!!!!!!!!
7) They are also all mostly homophobic, racist, and try as hard as possible to be politically incorrect.
8) You just can't stop reading what they write. Especially when its so dirty you keep looking over your shoulder like someone is watching you because you sure as heck wouldn't want your family to see you reading such dirty, but intriguing, comments about putting things in places and such...heheh.

I just can't read anymore of these flame wars though! Its really having a negative effect on my life. My gramer skillz hvae definetely takin a hit, I've been much more argumentative lately, I just had far too much fun typing "CAPS SON!!!!!!!!!" a little while ago, and I'm worried I will soon become racist as well.

On a side note I would like to point out that today while looking the Perez Hilton comments I ran into and old friend, Mr. Yameted, the man infamous for calling Susan Boyle a "Fat Slob," from my Susan Boyle post. He's still up to no good and in my opinion is the best example of a troll ever. This is what he had to say:

Yameted: WILL I AM are a bunch of jiggaboos, jungle bunnys, spearchuckers, and plaino cotton pickin NIG***s.

Perez is soooooooooooooooo Hot!

Now let's take a look at the checklist. So yeah, he certainly took a stance in disgreement with most of the viewers thinking Perez is "Hot." He uses a pluralized description for the singular man Will.i.am. He displays a love the CAPS! He's obviously racist and politically incorrect. But surprisingly he seems homophilic. Nevertheless, I dub Mr. Yameted the epitome of Youtube trolling.

Youtube Flame War 3

2009-06-21T09:29:00.000-07:00

I found this one on the music video for Black or White by Micheal Jackson:

Person A: I dont know, nice video and everything but I found some hypocrisy in this song/ video. It dosent matter if you a black or white? but why did he change skin color? it seemed that skin color really matters to him

Person B: Retard he did not change his skin color!!! Ugh why are you soo damn ignorant?? He suffers from a skin disease named vitiligo. Which causes him to get whiter duh!!!! Gosh do your research first dumb ass!!!!!

Person C: I find it strange that vitiligo would entirely change someone's skin color over their whole body. Vitiligo usually only results in patches of skin.

Person D: and ur the only 1 who come up with dumb comments here what is ur prupose huh ?? trying 2 be a wannabe asshole ?? well u succeeded in that part i wont think u can go further by ur stupidity making dumb posts. have a miserable life ur unworthy peace of unsure sh**.

Person C: Shut the f*** up, you illiterate nignog. Who asked you about anything, chicken guzzler?

Person D: shut the f*** up who the f*** asked u some sh***anyway motherf****er saying this bullsh** ??
asshole light

Person C: Asshole light? Does that have all the taste of regular asshole but with half the calories? I'm sure you're an expert when it comes to enjoying the taste of a nice manly sh** chute...I'm sure it doesn't match your expertise with KFC and red Kool-Aid, but pretty close I bet!

Person D: i dont know what taste it should have but i let u experience it and find out what kind of color and the ammount of calories and the combo with KFC and Kool aid it has its more ur job! i admire michael jackson his music and his talents

This one got pretty crazy. I'm pretty sure Person B is Napoleon Dynamite.

Youtube Flame War 2

2009-06-20T16:57:00.000-07:00

A little something exotic. Found it on a video of someone playing Super Mario Bros.

Person A: SUCH A WASTE OF TIME!

Person B: stfu

Person A: votre mère ne peut pas faire cuire

Person C: Agreed.

Person A was so offended he had to curse Person B in French! And you wont believe how low he went with his dis. For the sake of the children or easily-offended people that read my blog I typed out the translation, according to Freetranslation.com, in white, so go ahead and highlight the following ruthless insult if you dare:

(your mother cannot do to cook)

Oh yeah, Person A went there and Person C just watched it all go down. You know a flame war is getting intense when you bring mothers in.

Youtube Flame War 1

2009-06-18T14:38:00.000-07:00

Found this little gem on a Miley Cyrus rant video:

Person A: Shut up I don't give a crap if it gets you views the kid has talent she has worked so hard yes the Hannah Montana Carecter is a little young but thats cause she is acting for kids in that charecter for that age group where as the actual miley cyrus is a bit of a sexier so that guys like you will give her a chance

Person B: ur a fag

Person A: Your an ass (That can't spell)

Person B: You cant even spell you're!

Person A: Im sorry but thats called internet lingo my friend

Person B: What do you think i was doing in the first place faggot?!

Person A: SHUT UP it was just a joke tkae a joke

Oh I love it when they insult each others' grammar.

Youtube Comment Week

2009-06-17T11:25:00.001-07:00

Now that summer is finally here and the weather is beautiful outside, and I have so much free time for once, I have been watching a lot Youtube videos. I'm always compelled to scroll down and see what the other thousands of people think of the videos I watch, but I've noticed something after some time: every video has fundamentally the same comments.

So usually it all gets kicked off with a nice "AWESOME VID DUDE!!!!" because usually the people who find the video first are actually looking for it. As time goes on some trolls end up finding the video and saying the lamest insults ever like "My grandma could make a better video...and shes dead!!! YOU SUCK!" This type of rudeness is usually followed by some fan rebuttles which lead to the typical youtube-comment-clash or flame-war (these are pretty exciting and sometimes can get a wee bit racy.) They usually end up in an exchange of "F U's" in the end. Then mixed into the bunch are the typical "CHECK OUT My CHANNEL I HAVE PWNAGE VIDEOS" or "I'm so sorry guys I typically would never do something like this but just please ignore this: IF YOU DONT SEND THIS MESSAGE TO 15 PEOPLE WITHIN THE NEXT HOUR YOUR BEST FRIEND WILL CALL YOU AND COMITT SUICIDE!"

Oh you gotta love Youtubers.

Well this was supposed to somehow serve as an introduction to what I plan to post in the next few days: YOUTUBE FLAME WARS! So prepare yourselves for a grip of CAPS LOCK and keep in mind that these things can get pretty filthy so be ready for some vulgar and profane comments. Youtube-comment-clashes are like a car wreck that I can't just look away from and I am under the impression that I am not alone on this so sit back and enjoy the wreckage.

How to Butter Toast, The Right Way

2009-06-16T10:04:00.000-07:00

Yesterday while hanging out with a few of my friends a very interesting question arose: "how do you butter your toast?"

I of course thought, as usual, that everyone must be doing it the best possible way/my way. Apparently not a lot of people, with the exception of my friend Jason know how to properly butter toast.

So the most popular way seems to be using an obnoxious butter knife to strenuously maneuver around the firm butter trying to manipulate the golden goodness onto the narrow blade then managing an exhausting balancing act while strategically spreading the butter across the tenuous slice of toast. Wow sounds like a work out.

Now for those of your who want to enjoy your toast in an efficient manner without the hassle of cleanup and unneeded effort, behold the WAY*:

First you must hover the stick of butter over the stovetop to get it nicely melted and spreadable.

Then you must effortlessly spread on the goodness.

*Method only applies to sticks of butter.

Calendots

2009-06-08T14:34:00.000-07:00

In all of my life I have never used a planner. Since middle school every year I have been given one and this is usually how the drill goes:
1) Receive planner.
2) Locate calender stickers (calendots) and stick them all over the place.
3) Lose planner.

Well this year step 2 switched with step 3 and I just recently dug up the planner I received at orientation from last year. And I bet you can guess what I did with them:

The school's Animal policy is now the Party Animal policy. Now "the possession, care, or harboring of party animal life forms, except fish, is prohibited...party animals will be reported to Animal Control Officers and students who are not in compliance will be held responsible for any damage, cleaning and fumigation costs incurred." Now that's a wild party.

Heheh rechargeable batteries...Chase's idea.

Yeah that's a toilet...I was running out of ideas of where to put them.

Well right now this is probably what I should be doing.

Like, Really?

2009-06-05T15:16:00.000-07:00

So this whole "like" feature on Facebook is the newest and easiest way to show your friends you still care about their lives. With just a click you can congratulate someone on their marriage or graduation, display your agreement with someones opinion on nearly anything, show that you think somebody looks good in a picture, let somebody know about your music preference, show support for your favorites sports teams, and so much more. Basically if this feature came paired with a "dislike" option all conversation would become obsolete.

Obviously I am a big fan of the "like" feature but I must say that I "dislike" how some people fail to understand what the word "like" means (either that, or they are just jerks.) I am sure you have seen it too; people "like" statuses that normally shouldn't be liked by a friend. If Cindy's grandma died I don't want to see a thumbs up below the fact. For those of you who don't know, the word "like" means either:
1. To find pleasant or attractive; enjoy.
2. To want to have: would like some coffee.

With that in mind, I hope to not see this kind of thing in my news feed ever again:

Those 2 people suck.

Also, look at this.

The Hottest Topic to Ever Hit My Blog

2009-06-02T09:48:00.000-07:00

And you'd be surprised, it is not the one with the tips and tricks for heads up seven up!

Writing about the evil black bird at my school was the biggest spike in popularity my blog has yet to receive.

The black bird has become somewhat of a tabloid queen around here like bald Britney Spears was a while ago. The fame of this demonic bird is almost unsettling at times. Friends I have from other schools have contacted me to ask if I have been mauled by it yet, a 1500 member facebook group for victims has been created and is still growing with an endless amount of attack stories daily, a song about its attacks, and the school newspaper published an article yesterday in which I was quoted:

One blogger, Revelle College freshman Sameer Bahl, cited the Book of Genesis, suggesting that animals on college campuses have overstepped their inferior “place in society.”

“I think animals on college campuses feel they have a sense of entitlement,” he said. “I’ve seen them poop on people shamelessly.”

I got to say "poop" in the school newspaper! Very nice.

The popularity of the bird has also been harnessed for advertising purposes on campus:

This aggressive black bird has even found its ways up on the walls of www.FMyLife.com:

Today, I was designing a newspaper page with a story about an aggressive female bird that was defending its nest and attacking students near some stairs. In the article were photos of victims who were attacked. We had a good laugh over it. Later, I was walking there and the bird attacked me. FML

The bird is serving up his sass with a side of karma and the world is loving it.

I guarantee that a year from now when the bird's fame has died down will see this little bugger cutting a rug on Dancing With the Stars or at least getting some sitcom cameos.

We Are Scientists

2009-05-31T16:25:00.000-07:00

On Friday UCSD had its annual Senior Sendoff Bear (BEER) Garden, an event at which they serve beer, have games, serve beer, put on cool raffles, serve beer, and close with a concert. The headliner this year was one of my favorite bands: We Are Scientists! We Are Scientists is a pretty popular band having performed both on Letterman and Conan, been nominated for NME Best International Band Award,and topping the UK Billboard Charts on several occasions. It is pretty awesome that UCSD booked them.

I expected a fight to get in to see them and a field that was filled of fans. When my friends and I got there we a saw a crowd of about 30 people facing the stage and 100 people off in the corners playing stupid carnival games. I was shocked at how small of a crowd turned out for them. It was pretty depressing how under appreciated they were. They kept thanking the fans that came out for listening. But what was cool about the small crowd was that the lead singer came off of stage to take pictures with people and even give piggy back all while singing.

It was really an awesome show (one of my favorites this year) and I just think I have to put the blame on UCSD for not advertising them too well. Just look at the poster:

Somewhere in that super tiny text above my poorly drawn arrows it says "We Are Scientists."

If you haven't heard them before you should check them out here.

Glitz and Horror

2009-05-29T13:18:00.000-07:00

My daughter was playing with a glitter sticker that her Grandmother bought her after Valentines Day. A few days later her eye started bothering her and I took her to the Dr. last Thursday at 10:40am. Well their was something definitely in her eye so they sent us to an eye Dr. at Cardinal Glennon. Finally around 2:30pm we saw the Dr. he said that it looked like a piece of plastic floating around her eye and they gave us a few options. Ok first of all my daughter is only 4 yrs old. Anyway the first option was to wrap her in a blanket and have 4 people hold her down while they take this thing out of her eye, or sedate her...Well of course I said I'd rather her be sedated rather than being traumatized. Around 5:00pm we were able to get a room and I stayed with my daughter till they sedated her and then I had to wait in the waiting room until they were done The procedure only lasted 5 minutes ...if that, and they called me back into the room to wait till she woke up. The Dr. said it looked like a small piece of glitter that he took out of her eye. We finally left the hospital around 7:00pm that night.

-Susan Begic, St. Louis

This tragic account is but an all too common story. When I was a child I had several similar traumatic experiences. You see, I have a retarded blink reflex. I fail to blink when things are millimeters away from eye. After living a life in which I have gotten nearly anything and everything up in my eyes you can imagine what kind of horror glitter instills in me. I do not remember too well how it felt the first time I got it in my eyes because I have tried very hard to repress the memory, but from what I recall it was in first grade and I was making a mother's day card...and then it happened: the airborne glitter initiated a ruthless full frontal assault on my cornea. Like daggers doused in adhesive, the blades cut up my eye as I nearly cried out to the teacher attempting to maintain an ounce of my 1st-grade-boy-masculinity. I spent the rest of the day in the bathroom splashing water in my eyes trying to make the pain go away. Since that day I have developed a very serious glitter-phobia.

Glitter is just disgusting and dangerous. It makes things look absolutely tacky, it sticks all over your body and never comes off, it makes perfectly attractive girls look trashy, and if you were to inhale it would most likely adhere to the mucous membranes in your respiratory system and stick in your lungs causing severe tissue scarring and inflammations of sorts and then probably death. I just don't understand why kids are not allowed to run with scissors but its perfectly fine for them toss around these microscopic daggers all over each others bodies.

Glitter just frightens me to death. Look at how much scarier Freddy Kruger would be if he was covered in glitter:

I wise man once said: "The thing about glitter is, if you get it on you, be prepared to have it on you forever 'cause glitter is the herpes of craft supplies."

-Demetri Martin

Catdog

2009-05-26T14:39:00.000-07:00

Catdog: Worst show ever. Best pet ever.

You get a dog and a cat in one so everyone's a winner, and to top things off I don't think it can poop.

What Ever Happened?

2009-05-22T17:41:00.000-07:00

While rummaging through my roommates foodstuffs I started noticing the "games" on the back of his candy and cereal boxes and I was appalled.

Remember how good cereal boxes back in the day were? I would wake up in the morning, sit down, and enjoy a heaping bowl of Cocoa Puffs with the free color-changing spoon that came in the box while doing the awesome word search, or gazing at a 3D pop-out image, or doing a cool maze. I could go on and on about the cool games and prizes I scored thanks to cereal boxes in my day, but I should just get to the point: THE GAMES SUCK NOW.

Look at what I found in my roommates stash:

Wow. Really? A WORD PROBLEM? Goodness, what has happened? My physics book has more exciting problems than this:

Yes that is Superman and Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote in my freakin physics book.

So What does a Cheerios box today have to offer?

I don't care about Charnita W., age 22, from New York and her cholesterol. I want to guide that little anthropomorphic bee (whose name I can never remember) through a colorful maze to reach an overflowing bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios! I fear for my kids thinking about what they will see one day see on their cereal boxes.

The future looks grim.

Ani-malicious Intent UPDATE

2009-05-20T14:14:00.001-07:00

This has gotten out of hand my friends. This bird simply must go. I am very disappointed in my campus' response to the situation. Sure, I may have failed in my plan of murdering and consuming this devil creature, but you would think the school administration would be able to take care of this problem. This bird is wreaking havoc on my campus without any restraint. Instead of having the bird removed, the school has taken a lilly-livered, chicken-hearted, pansy-loving, outright-pusillanimous approach and has decided to appease the bird. Get a load of this nonsense:

Realllly now? We, the humans, are supposed to "be careful" because of this big bad bird? What a pathetic state mankind is in when we must live in fear of some hormonal crow. This is just adding to the problem. If we are going to start putting up caution signs over a little black bird and start changing our paths for it, we should not expect any less than this sass.

I write this as a warning, a warning of what could happen if humans continue down this path. The animals think it is alright to act this way because we have taught them to behave so. Please, for the sake of the future of humanity, next time you see a bird walking around chase it down and try to catch it. When I was young I would always chase the little critters. The birds have forgotten what's up. Children today have become too lazy, we must all join together, people of all ages, to undo this atrocity before it is too late and something like this happens:

Ani-malicious Intent

2009-05-18T13:32:00.000-07:00

In Genesis God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth."

Today I witnessed something on my campus that got me thinking: animals today have seem to have forgotten their place in society.

I was walking home from class when I saw a dude going down stairs throw his stuff to the ground and run away in shock after a sassy black bird scraped at his head. As he walked away I saw another guy come down the stairs and the very same thing happened! After that, the girl in front of me walked up the stairs and the winged monster came back and attacked her too! So after seeing this happen three times I decided I would take a different route home and as I looked behind me I saw this ruthless bird continue to ravage the poor unsuspecting students of my campus. (I probably should have warned some people...)

Today after telling my friends about this bird thinking they wouldn't believe me I was quite surprised. One friend told me that she was attacked on the head in the same spot today and did not know what happened. One of my suitemates told me he was pecked on the head as well and he thinks the bird is building a nest out of human hair! What kind of outright dissent is this? Soon they will want their bird baths filled with human blood!

This is not the first crow I have seen with this kind of attitude. Outside my building these birds are always knocking over and breaking plates on the dish carts. They have woken me up several mornings cawing at me from the windowsill as if they had some kind of authority to do so. This is just intolerable.

Tomorrow I have to walk down that same path, and if I see that sorry excuse for a life form harassing my peers I swear to God I will kill it and eat it for dinner. I am an angry man that is low on cash; I could use a free meal.

And it is not even just the black birds that are acting a fool on campus. All of the animals walk around with some pompous sense of entitlement dishing out attitude like they think they are bipeds. Outside my dorm the rats have the nerve to openly expose themselves. How disgusting. Rats are supposed to remain in dark corners never to show their faces to humans. Now they just walk around in broad daylight. Even the ninja turtles knew better than that. Also, the seagulls and pigeons are not afraid of me here. I chase them all the time and they do not even flinch. When I grew up birds knew to scatter if I was even a mile away. The squirrels are the same way. Instead of running away, squirrels have become bold enough to actually start messing with you. My friend Jason had a terrible experience with a squirrel once. Because I knew I could not do justice to his tale I had him tell it:

I was enjoying my food when the cutest little squirrel scurried over my way from the large trees on the grass across the walkway. At first it kept its distance staying on the ground behind a nearby bench which was separate from my table. Then, it hopped up onto the bench and looked at me for a bit. I was surprised that it was comfortable getting so close to me, but by no means was I alarmed or scared. After all, it was just a cute little squirrel who was probably more scared of me than I was of it (Oh, how wrong I was.)
What it did next can only be described as the opening move in a sick mind game that ends with this squirrel (who has since become known as Lucifer) moving me into checkmate. It collapsed flat on its stomach and flattened itself with its legs spread out behind it on this bench which was near me. Having never seen a squirrel do this, the “Aw, isn’t that precious?” switch in my brain went off as I was equally enthralled and pitying of its pose. While adorable, it looked like it was dehydrated or about to die the way it was just laying there. Only now do I realize (that while books will say this what squirrels do against cool surfaces to regulate their temperature when it’s hot) that this was not him fainting at all, but was in fact him getting into the same flattened, crawling spy-like position that Tom Cruise sports in Mission Impossible. Unable to resist the urge to capture this moment yet simultaneously not wanting to startle the squirrel (which I now know is beyond my power as only one man) I carefully reached into my pocket and withdrew my cell phone so I could snap a picture of it, all the while keeping my gaze trained on the squirrel who was a few feet away on the other bench. I looked down at my phone only for a couple seconds, however long it took me to press the camera button and adjust the exposure notch and when I looked back up to take the picture, the squirrel had vanished from his spot on the bench and was nowhere in either direction. Before I could even finish the mental sentence “Where the heck did he--?” Lucifer flies up at me from below my own table and lunges at me from my own lap knocking me backwards and off my seat!
Because this was one of those table where the seat is actually connected to the table as one piece, the bench did not fall back with me, so I was on my back having fallen on the ground with my legs tangled up in the seat still. Unable to immediately get up or chase after him, it was a simple matter for the hell spawn rodent to make off with my bag of Burger King… and my dignity. When I finally stood up, I arose to an empty table and incredulous laughter from onlookers eating lunch, left only with a chocolate shake and a newfound sense of purpose on this Earth. I would make him pay.

What kind of sick world to do we live in where animals think they can get away with these kind of things? I blame PETA. The animals need to know that monarchy is dead and this "Animal Kingdom" of theirs is nothing but a sad joke.

Sun God Festival 2009

2009-05-16T13:27:00.000-07:00

The best day ever.

I saw ANAVAN, Nosaj Thing, Iron & Wine, N.E.R.D., Motion City Soundtrack, Grand Ole Party, and Girl Talk!

Highlights of the day:

The ANAVAN lead singer was awesome! He was super excited, harassed a female staff member, jumped off stage to sing and dance in the crowd, he ran under the legs of stilt walkers, and danced crazy with yours truly.
I formed an epic hacky sack circle with a few friends and a bunch of random guys and a drunk girl.
Motion City Soundtrack and Grand Ole Party were amazing.
The Girl Talk performance was WILD. Girl Talk is pretty much my idol because I myself try to do mashups like him (but I am not very good) so I was extremely hyped up for his slot in the dance tent. He had leaf blowers with toilet paper rolls attached to it, toilet paper rolls flying around, at least 2,000 people dancing in the tent, people in crazy costumes up on stage with him, and great mashups. I was so tired after that performance and covered in sweat (sadly, it was not all my own...)
N.E.R.D. played Spaz!
The whole school finally looked like they were having fun instead of just flocking to the library. It was pretty cool to see so many people having fun.

Lowlights of the day:

I waited in line for four hours for my wristband and turned into a complainer. (see last post)
Iron & Wine performed without any percussion and just an acoustic guitar and failed to play Boy With the Coin.
I lost my voice for a while and sounded like a 90 year old chain smoker.
Billion-dollar festival food was the only thing available on campus at dinner time.
People don't know how to handle crowd surfers. Motion City Soundtrack had to stop what they were doing once to make people lift the failed surfers off the floor before they got trampled and N.E.R.D. ended up giving us a tutorial on how to crowd surf. It really shouldn't have been that hard.
I accidentally listened to Sara Bareilles while having my awesome sack session.
I went home with too many unexplained stains on my clothes including a wad of gum.

Pics from the festival:

I'm already stoked for next year's festival and curious about the lineup. I wish Sun God was every day!

y=mx+b

2009-05-12T14:39:00.000-07:00

According to some random site on the internet, the average person spends 5 years of his or her life waiting in lines. That is quite a long time to be in line. I think I may have spent my expected 5 years in line already though. Being so experienced with waiting in lines, whether it be for the newest cell phone, video game console, concert, movie, or free stuff, I have gained some knowledge on the type of people who wait in these lines and how they think.

Each type of line has different characters of course. When I wait in line for the free snow globes Mervyn's gives out every Christmas the demographic is obviously a wee bit different than the people who wait for the newest gaming consoles. But there are always certain personalities that will always be present in a line.

This weekend I went home to visit and my mom, sister, and I woke up bright and early to go wait in front of Ikea on Saturday for a few hours in a line for free gift cards ranging from $10 to $1000. (In case you're curious the three of us got $70 total which we used to buy a spiffy looking towel rack, new blinds, and some glass shelf that will probably never be used.) Well, we showed up late and were about the 700th people in line. While there I again noticed these typical personalities that I tend to notice in every line I have waited in:

1) The Mockers and Jockers: These are your typical hypocritical hecklers who flock to the side of the line with their friends and talk about how stupid the people waiting are for wasting there time. They are known to say such things as:

"If they just showed up tomorrow they could get it without wasting their time like this."

"Don't they have anything better to do?"

"They would make more money if they just spent these hours making minimum wage."

"The newer version is gonna be better."

"Blah blah blah, I'm a poophead."

Ok, well maybe not the last one, but those guys really get on my nerves. What makes them even worse is that about 25% of these hecklers end up joining the line later thinking they are pretty awesome. Sure they may get the product like the rest who waited longer but what they lack is the glorious pride that goes along with waiting for so long. This brings me to the next type of person,

2) The Line Leaders: These are the people who are in the front of the line. These are the gods of waiting. They are known to be pompous though so be wary. They are the kind of guys who heckle the hecklers. They are often in tents, have pillows, are in some costume of sorts, and tend to be college kids (or kids that should be in college.) They may mock the people behind them as a form of elevating their own pride. But this is just a fact of waiting in lines. The more people that are behind you, the better you feel about yourself. Observe:

Although the scale can vary there is a general trend. From 0-20 we see that the initial excitement of not being last in line steeply boosts self esteem. From 20-40 the rise is gradual; this is the time in line where you begin to converse with the others about your place in this microcosm and form new line-lasting friendships. After this point is when it becomes slightly difficult to pinpoint the end of the line which in turn gives you the right to be proud of yourself and start mocking the losers in the back, who are probably mocking you out of jealousy for having no life and being so far ahead of them.

3) The Complainer: Usually fat. This person feels the need to complain about everything: how hot it is, how the line is run, fictitious cutters in line, how hungry they are, etc.. They should be slapped.

4) The Confused Elderly Person: Some old fart who doesn't even remember why he or she is in line. Like the complainer they tend to whine about standing so long, demanding water every second, asking you to hold their spots when they go to the bathroom every other minute. They even tend to get disoriented and forget which way the line is pointing (this happened in the Ikea line on Saturday.)

5) The Sellout: The person who waits in a line just to sell their spot in the end. They tend to stand out. At the Star Trek movie line they were probably the guys who brought their light sabers thinking it'd help them fit in. For example, while I was waiting in line for the iPhone (a line in which I sold my spot for $150) I was the only guy in a sea of Macbooks with a Gateway. These guys are usually good at distracting themselves in lines whether they are on their gameboys, cell phones, or music players. They just don't belong.

6) The Tally Man: This is the guy, stereotypically Asian, who keeps walking up and down the line with his counter, calculator, or maybe even abacus, keeping tabs on how many people are in front of him and behind him every second. They are very popular in the line as they are usually up to speed on how many tickets or products are available, how many people are in line, and he probably made graphs and charts on his laptop to display the probabilities of success.

7) The Y2K-ers: These are the people that turn a line for the restroom into a nuclear holocaust. They came prepared with a whole tray of Starbucks coffee, 50 bags of chips, take out from the closest restaurants, folding chairs, and other garbage that would not be necessary for a 2 hour wait.

These are just a few of the many personalities that I have noticed in my many years waiting in lines. I wonder what kind of people I will meet on Friday waiting in the Sun God wristband line.

A MOMentous Occasion

2009-05-10T18:05:00.000-07:00

Everybody always writes cards to their moms on mother’s days telling them that they are the greatest ever, that no other mother is like her, or that she is the best mom on the whole planet. Personally, I think that kind of praise is totally out of line. What gives you that kind of insensitive authority to rank your mother above the rest like that? It is completely rude and ignorant to the fact that my mother clearly trumps anyone’s.

Yes, it is a fact, my mom is the best. Nobody should even try to argue this. I mean come on, look at the love:

I decided to come home this weekend to pay her a surprise visit and I realized how much she does for me on a daily basis (not like I needed some lame holiday or anything). There is just way too much for me to be thankful for; that is why I just decide to be ungrateful all the time, it's just so much more easy and efficient.

But seriously, I love my mom and I really think she is my best friend in the world. I hope that everybody, including myself, could learn to be more appreciative of their mothers, or parents, or legal guardians, or even illegal guardians (as long as it’s not a kidnap or slavery type of situation) because you must realize that you could be stuck with a really sucky mom. For example, take the cuckoo bird. Sure they are awesome in clocks but they make awful mothers. The mother cuckoo bird actually lays her eggs in the nest of some other bird’s babies and then ditches the child for good. The egg then hatches and is nurtured by the nest-builder never seeing its biological deadbeat mother again. It can get worse: another example would be the cute, but unmothering hamster. Some hamster mothers are known to eat their own children if they're feelin like it. It can get even worse: you could have Eminem's mom. She may not have ditched him in another bird's nest or eaten him but she's done worse. In 1999 she sued her own son (even if it is Eminem) for 10 million dollars. She also seems to suck at making spaghetti because in "Lose Yourself" it makes him throw up on his sweater.

I'll have you know my mom makes great spaghetti.

So this mother's day and for the rest of your life be sure to start or continue appreciating your mother for all she does, because she really does not have to. She could just sue you for 10 million dollars and eat you if she wanted to.

Mom, if you happen to be reading this post I would like to thank you for everything and tell you that I love you so much. Happy mother's day and sorry I used the picture you don't like of yourself.

Up Close and Person L

2009-05-07T15:10:00.000-07:00

Opening for Mae at the concert I wrote about earlier was one of my favorite bands, Person L (fronted by Kenny Vasoli from The Starting Line.) It was a very intimate show and at one point my face was probably only one foot away from Kenny's leg as he was busting out a sick guitar solo. He could have kicked me in the face if he had wanted to! Now that's what I call close.

They even asked if they could stay at one of our places for the night. Too bad a dorm couch isn't big enough for six guys.

The band was amazing as usual, but one man is deserving of a little extra praise. Behold Ryan Zimmaro, secondary-percussionist extraordinaire:

This guy is my hero. He looked so stern and focused every time he played. He kept on this intense poker face throughout the show sending chills down my spine with every beat of his bongo drum, every shake of his maraca, ever wrist-cutting slam of his tambourine, every clink of his cowbell, and every euphonious twist of his rain stick. The man was a percussion god and it is this type of dedication that allowed him to replace the lead percussionist by the end of the show. Check it out:

To think: I almost had this awesome tambourine-man sleep at my place.

A Multisensory Aesthetic Experience

2009-05-07T12:26:00.000-07:00

Two nights ago was the Mae concert! It was a pretty awesome show unlike any I have ever been to. Mae is an awesome band with a great sound and a very admirable mission. The band is extremely charitable and just overall seems like a group of nice guys. After the show they even did an acoustic set for 5 dollars a person in which all the proceeds would benefit habitat for humanities. They have also stated that they will release one new song for each month of 2009. These songs are available to download on their website for a minimum donation of $1 and all of the proceeds will go to various humanitarian projects of their choice.

So aside from that, now let me tell you why this show was unlike any I have been to before. They really did a good job in engaging the senses. Throughout the show they had a projection display that was full of trippy images, colorful clips, nature shots, fiery explosions, flashing shapes...basically a recipe for disaster for any epileptic fan. The amazing part was that the images and the stage lights synced up just perfectly with the music. At one point in the show they sang a song about the ocean and the screen showed clips of waves, we were then told to scratch and sniff the EP's they sold because they smelled like the ocean, and I don't know how they managed to pull this one off, but I swear the room got cooler at that moment!

I've saved the best for last: MAE IN 3D! The last two songs had projections in 3D! I may seem overly excited but I will have you know that I am a sucker for 3D. I could probably watch anything 3D and enjoy it.

See You Later Alligator

2009-05-04T11:55:00.000-07:00

So this whole recession business...it kind of sucks. The GDP is falling at an annualized pace not seen since the 1950's, finding a job is almost impossible (not to mention maintaining it), businesses can't expand, all major construction projects seemed to have paused, but none of this compares to what I recently discovered: the recession has taken its toll on the zoos of America!

Some zoos are cutting on their advertising budget like the Washington Zoo, some zoos are laying off employees like the Los Angeles zoo, but some zoos are doing something that just gets my knickers in a twist. SOME ZOOS ARE FIRING THE ANIMALS! Yeah I'm talking about the largest city zoo in the country, the Bronx zoo.

One of the ways the zoo is deciding which animals to ditch is based on which ones are popular with its 2.1 million annual visitors. I cannot believe that they have turned this into a freakin popularity contest; this is not a high school election, this is a zoo! I am sorry but this is not how America conducts business.

In an office setting everybody loves the guy who hangs out at the water cooler quoting lines from last night's episode of 30 Rock, reciting all of his pop culture knowledge from The Soup and Best Week Ever, keeping everyone up to date with all the memes and fads, but when it comes to filing Claims Reports he is probably not too good. In a crunch he would obviously not make it by. If times got tough with Scooby and the gang would they keep Daphne around? I sure hope not. Sorry Fred, but everyone would know that even though Velma is not remotely attractive, fun to be around, or popular, she is the one that gets the job done.

Hard working species like the Arabian oryx and blesbok, two types of antelope, foxes, deer, and the guanaco all are being laid off all just because the children don't know their names. Children these days must be idiots; how can you go through elementary school without knowing of an oryx, blesbok, or guanaco?!*

I just now worry what these poor animals will do. Pan handling is not too easy when you don't have thumbs. It's hard out there in the Bronx and finding work is just impossible. It's not like a deer can just send in an application to Jamba Juice or Starbucks. Nobody would trust a fox working anywhere, they've got a bad rap. I would not hire anyone known to be sly to work a cash register. Thievery may be the only way these animals can now maintain a living. I just hope they find a way.

*By the way here's an oryx, blesbok, and guanaco in case you did not know:

Flumors

2009-04-30T12:30:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been hearing several freaky rumors regarding swine flu. These are the 5 that scare me the most:

1) Swine Flu is a sign of the apocalypse (aporkalypse)
2) Swine Flu is actually a zombie uprising.
3) If you eat pork you're gonna die.
4) UCR's Spring Splash is going to be canceled.
5) A kid at UCSD has been quarantined with it.

First off, if swine flu really is a sign of the apocalypse God has one awesome sense of humor because I have never believed in any of this apocalypse mumbo jumbo. "Apocalypse?! Please! Maybe when pigs fly." Well guess what: swine flew.

This whole zombie uprising theory certainly does have its appeal but we have to think logically now. There has yet to be any swine flu deaths arise from the grave. But just in case, I am working on a zombie contingency plan.

Eating pork wont give you swine flu! It's insane how people don't realize that this is mainly an airborne virus transferred from human to human. It is not even completely from the swine: it is a strange hybrid strain drawing aspects from human, avian, and swine flu. Why should the pork industry have to suffer because of the poor choice of the name of the disease. Gees people, just go on and eat your bacon!*

Ok, so this Spring Splash rumor I have only just heard and according to the website the show is still on. But the idea that this concert could be canceled worries me for the upcoming Sun God Festival concert. If that is canceled I will guarantee this planet its apocalypse!

Finally, the rumor that a kid on my campus has been quarantined for having swine flu. This rumor haunts me night and day. I mean, I live right next to Mexico; it is quite likely that the flu could have reached this campus. I heard from my friend Nikko who heard from a friend who heard from friend who heard from his brother's friend that a kid here has it. The campus would have probably taken action if someone really did. (Or would they...?) I spend all my day in dirty packed lecture halls and dining halls in fear that the flu may be lurking on my desk or in my plate. I wash my hands 50 times a day now. I am becoming a paranoid wreck. I refuse to go to the library because I think the place is now disease ridden. I refuse to go to class because everytime I hear somebody sneeze or cough I have the urge to throw them out of the room...and because I am lazy. Swine flu will destroy my GPA! My only source of comfort is this website (may it help you too my friends): www.doihavepigflu.com

*I actually have recently decided to stop consuming pork...but not because of this swine flu deal of course...I just find Islam suddenly appealing.

Funny Juice

2009-04-26T18:49:00.000-07:00

Today I want to talk about my theory on acute projectile nasal lactose extrusion, also known as humor-induced rhino-ejaculation, which is also known as laughing so hard that milk comes out of your nose.

First off, why milk? Why don't people say "he laughed so hard orange bang came out of his nose," or "she laughed so hard purple kool aid came out of her nose?"

After spending half a year with my roommate Chase I have observed that the phrase involves milk for a reason. You see, I say not-funny things all the time trying to be funny and Chase usually just responds with just a smile. While he drinks water it's the same, but only whilst he drinks milk does he have to fight the urge to spit it out with laughter. Suddenly everything I say is gold to him! This has led me to realize that the phrase has nothing to do with the pressure of trying not to laugh at all while something is in your mouth because you are aware of how funny that would be (which thus makes you want to laugh more,) but rather, this phenomenon is totally milk-dependent.

I have decided that milk = funny juice. If you are drinking milk, you will laugh at even the lamest of jokes. I have experimented: I watched a full episode of My Name is Earl with milk in my mouth, and you know what? I laughed.

If I ever did stand up comedy I would have the club serve alcohol or milk only.

As long as there's milk inside of you everything is funnier.

With this new knowledge of the humor that milk induces I thought I would share some knowledge on medical forums.

From Geopets to Neopets

2009-04-25T11:36:00.000-07:00

Having had a weekend to mourn the loss of Steven I decided to help me move on I would go and visit my old pet, my neopet.

A few weeks ago in my Humanities class I saw the girl in front of me on Neopets.com playing with her Jubjub and I became nostalgic. When I was younger used to be in love with my neopet, Shadow the Koi. I remember that awful night when I stayed up by his side when he was bloated at the auction page bidding all my hard earned neopoints on some flatu-less pills. The good times accumulating various neggs and spending hours playing those fun games! Those were the days. I remember I would wake up every morning before school, feed Shadow a free omelette and grab a free scratchcard from the kiosk.

So yesterday I attempted to go see how he was doing. So I had to recall my username, which was neosam182, and I tried to log in.
Password...uhhh...what was it again?

So after seeing this screen everytime after 10 guesses they showed me this

After every hour passed I would try another set of guesses all day. I just cannot recall what my password was! I even tried giving my email to them so they could send me my password. This is what they told me:

You didn't save my email address neopets.com? You didn't freakin save it?! You just thought It'd be ok to throw it out?! Good god I can see my neopet! Shadow is right there, famished because he has not been fed for 2,811 days, looking right at me and I can't go to him because I do not have my password. How could I forget it? I will devote my life to trying to remember what the password was.

I just am no good at having pets. I can't keep a pet rock alive, I can't remember the password for my neopet, and when I was eight years old I had a turtle, Speedy, who wouldn't eat anything I gave to him (I had to give him back to the pet store before he died.)

A diseased rock, an innaccessable jpeg, and a suicidal turtle. God just does not want me to have a pet.

The Funeral

2009-04-24T08:26:00.001-07:00

This was Steven, the rock, the myth, the legend. A true pal since the day I found him. He always had his smile on no matter what, even while he was suffering from his disease. I remember how we used hang out all the time and how we loved to play games together. He was so darn good at staring contests, and he always had me beat in me Rock-Paper-Scissors.

Well last night was his burial, and as promised, here are the pictures from the funeral.

It was a very emotional time for me and my friends and I am just happy to know he is now back in the arms of his mother, nature. You will be missed Steven, my paperweight-soul-mate.

I would also like to take this time to pay respect to my friend Maryam's recent loss. So rest in peace Lafe the leaf, you too died an untimely death.

Senses Fail - Steven

November 10th,
A cold dark night
You could feel that something wasn't right.
That night many hearts did cry.
When we learned we had to say goodbye.

All embraced under one common song
the body is dead but life lives on.

Good-bye Steven. Good-bye dear friend.
You were so young.
Good-bye Steven. Good-bye dear friend.
You were so young.

The Cars lined the streets, as it was coming to an end.
The sun shined so brightly the day we buried our friend.

All embraced under one common song
the body is dead but life lives on.

Good-bye Steven. Good-bye dear friend.
You were so young.
Good-bye Steven. Good-bye dear friend.
You were so young.

Losing in the fall, lost innocence came down
An 18 year old boy was buried in the ground.
A family's broken hearts, a friend's streaming tears.
The light lost in death, the living's growing fears.

Of Eternal darkness or is it spiritual light to come with terms with death on the darkest night.
A brother lost a friend, a friend lost a friend, a mother lost a son, but steven's soul will never end.

(You were so young)
(A brother lost a brother, a friend lost a friend, a mother lost a son, but steven's soul will never end.)
(Good-bye)
(You were so young)
(A brother lost a brother, a friend lost a friend, a mother lost a son, but steven's soul will never end.)
(Good-bye)
(You were so young)
(A brother lost a brother, a friend lost a friend, a mother lost a son, but steven's soul will never end.)
(Good-bye)

November 10th , a cold dark night
You could feel that something wasn't right.
That night many hearts did cry
When we learned we had to say goodbye, say goodbye
goodbye

Goodbye, Steven

2009-04-23T12:29:00.000-07:00

March 28, 2009: A shining light entered my life. I met Steven, a friend that rocked my world. An unparalleled personality on that one; I have yet to meet anyone cooler, smoother, or bo(u)lder than him. He may have been a bit of a stoner but doesn't everyone have their flaws? To me he was perfect.

Today is a sad day. This morning I had to put Steven, my pet rock, to sleep. I have had him for less than a month now and he has sat pleasantly on my desk everyday since then with a smile the size of the grand canyon. But after about a week I began to notice something a little frightening...Steven was becoming covered with black patches all over his body. I tried bathing him but it did nothing for his splotches. I looked up possible diseases Steven may have on WebMD. All signs pointed to Addison's disease.

Addison's disease is a rare endocrine disorder in which the adrenal gland does not produce enough steroid hormones or cortisol. It may develop in children/pebbles and adults/mountains, and may occur as the result of many underlying causes. The symptoms include:
* Weight loss
* Roughness of skin
* Fatigue that gets worse over time
* Low blood pressure
* Patchy or dark skin
All of the above are symptoms I noticed Steven was exhibiting in the past week.

Initially, Steven was a splendid paperweight, but recently it seemed like he just wasn't too good at it anymore. This is because of the weight loss brought on by the disease. As for his rough skin...he is a rock. Fatigue that gets worse over time = gradual corrosion. As for low blood pressure...how about NO blood pressure?! As for the patchy dark skin, this is what led me to research the problem in the first place.

Treatment for Addison's disease involves replacing the missing cortisol, usually in the form of hydrocortisone tablets, in a dosing regimen that mimics the physiological concentrations of cortisol. Seems easy enough doesn't it? I thought Steven was good to go. But I think Steven just didn't trust modern medicine. He always preferred natural or herbal remedies. He refused to ingest the pills I gave him. It was after this that I could not bear it anymore. I knew I had to do it. Seeing Steven on my desk everyday giving me a fake smile masking his true pain hurt far too much, I just had to give up. Not even the world's best surgeon/geologist could help him now. So I ended it all this morning.

Tonight is his funeral and I just hope I can maintain my composure during the eulogy. He meant so much to me. His friends and family have all been invited. I will post pictures from the funeral tomorrow.

One thing I have to ask though...would it be awkward to have a tombstone?

Boyling the Hype Down

2009-04-20T13:37:00.000-07:00

Susan Boyle: the topic that is sweeping the universe. A less-than-beautiful, never-been-kissed, slightly overweight, sorta-masculine, 48 year old underdog singer, yadda yadda, you all know the story by now.

I recently had a few requests to blog about her but I did not know what to say. First off, I actually don't know too much about her surprisingly, additionally what can I say that has not been said already? So I decided to do a little research using my 3 main sources: Google, my sister, and Youtube comments.

What Google results have shown me:

Result #1) She could be "the biggest youtube sensation in history!"

Result #2) According to her real estate website she's lived in Long Beach for 21 years and have 17 years of Real Estate experience. She's a strong believer in the power of advertising and maintain property marketing through all mediums, including the Internet, virtual tours, multiple print media, and custom DVDs. (Something tells me this is a different Susan Boyle...but nevertheless it would be awesome to tell all of my friends that THE Susan Boyle helped me find my dream home!)

Result #3) Perez Hilton's blog post titled "Susan Boyle!!!!!!!!" When I saw those 8 exclamation points I knew this Susan character meant business.

Result #4) A fansite with 13,500 members. Geez Louis!

My sister:

So before I decided to meet the requests for this post I thought I would ask my sister for some backround info on this rising star.

Email from me:
Subject: Susan Boyle Info please?
Message: So yeah...some info please.

Email from my sister:
Subject: Susan Boyle
Message: the wiki entry is pretty concise:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Susan_Boyle
other fact: she says she has never been kissed, and she lives in a cottage with
her mother..

2nd Email from:
Subject: WAIT...
Message: Her mom died!! she dedicated the performance to her, sorry, yeah..

It is a good thing I read that second email before posting this!

The Youtube comments only made this woman seem even more amazing:

I tried so hard to find negative comments among the millions posted but it was like finding a needle in a haystack. Anyone that said anything remotely offensive was ripped on by her loyal fans. But I did manage to find this recent comment go unattacked (but I am sure not for long):

Yameted: FAT SLOB

Mr. Yameted I fear for your life!

Here are some other notable comments of praise:

Saultyre: FANTASTIC, Susan Boyle, 47, You are Wonderful. My votes are Yours. You made me smile, luagh and cry, all in 7 minutes. I Love You, I adore You.. Scotland, This Woman Must Win This

Lauragof: Aww what an amazing voice, gave me goose pimples, and shes scottish wooohoooo xxx

Roseybud:
°º¤ø„¸¨°º¤ø„...ø¤º° ¸„ø¤º°¨¸„ø¤º°¨
¨°º¤ø„¸ GO! Susan !!¸„ø¤º°¨copy and paste
¸„ø¤º°¨Ur Awesome!!! `°º¤ø„¸if you think
¸„ø¤º°¨¸„ø¤º°¨¨°º¤ø„¸¨°º¤ Susan is the best !!

Inaako: susan boyle,1 of the best creations of God :)
2 thumbs up for u,ms.boyle!!!

Angeniousname: Every time I hear her it is like having my ears stroked by a satin cat in velvet gloves.

Ideas0casquivanas: Que a lo bien... Exelente Susan, nadie confiaba en que lo harias pero los sorprendiste con una linda voz!!!!!!!
Sigue adelante!!!!!!!!

Freckles: who is that cute blonde girl in the jury ?

As you can see this is no simple fad. I see eternal stardom, cults in her honor, Youtube spam out of the wazoo, and extreme popularity in Mexico. By the way I just wanted to say that I agree with Freckles...that judge is hot!

Warning: What you are about to read may startle you. It may make you hate me, but I do have my reasons. Read at your own risk:

I, Sameer Bahl, have never heard the angelic, amazing, beautiful voice of Ms. Boyle, which is apparently like a cat in velvet gloves stroking my ears.

Why would I choose to miss out on this you ask?

Easy: you see as I was perusing the comment wall on the video of her singing I noticed that every other comment seemed to mention the sound of her voice giving people goosebumps or teary eyes. This frightened me.

I investigated these phenomena and I discovered that they are symptoms of several diseases such as cellulitis, diverticulitis, malaria, flu, and even menopause. Now why on earth would I want to put myself at risk to these diseases?!

I now know why there is so much hype behind this Susan Boyle. She literally is INFECTIOUS. If you start listening to her and you begin to tear up and/or get goosebumps please contact your physician immediately.

I would like to compare Boyle to the Sirens of Greek Mythology. Like a Siren, Susan Boyle is enticing to an extreme level. According to Wikipedia: "The term 'siren song' refers to an appeal that is hard to resist but that, if heeded, will lead to a bad result. Later writers have inferred that the Sirens were anthropophagous (cannibals), based on Circe's description of them "lolling there in their meadow, round them heaps of corpses rotting away, rags of skin shriveling on their bones."

There is a reason she has not been kissed: she may eat you!

Good God...I am staying the heck away from this woman. I weep for those who are too late to save.

The Strobe Effect REVISITED

2009-04-19T00:20:00.000-07:00

You're probably wondering why this blog post is already so awesome? Why you are so drawn to it. Hypnotized. Drowned in awesomeness. Excited. Euphoric. Shrouded and bewilderment and bliss at the same time. Or maybe you are wondering why you are so annoyed right now.

The answer is easy, it's called: THE STROBE EFFECT

1st REVELATION: a strobe light makes everything cooler.
2nd REVELATION: a strobe light makes everything cooler to most people.

So last time I wrote about strobe lights I said:

The strobe effect is a serious thing. It erases all of the lameness (the portions when it is off) and reveals all of the awesomeness (while it is on.) Perhaps if I rewatch "Catwoman" with a strobe effect on I would enjoy it. Without a strobe light doing the Robot is totally lame, but with one suddenly it's the coolest thing on the dancefloor!

Strobe lights even allow me to look like I can dance. I think I am just an awful dancer every other second.

I should just carry one with me all day. I would become the coolest guy on campus fosho.

Well after last night I think maybe I don't really want to go through with the whole carrying a strobe light around. Apparently some people do not appreciate awesomeness.
So this is how it went down: we were doing our nightly strobe light party in my room flashing our lights on and off when we noticed a room in the building across also briefly flash their lights. So of course we assumed they were also cool guys who knew how to partay. And we continued to flash our lights thinking we we're playing with them.

Turns out they were not playing with us.

After about 5 minutes of sporadic flashing in our room hoping they would flash back and play with us again we see a really big buff dude come out his door on the balcony look point blank at us with really really angrily. We look at him and think "uh-oh." After staring us down and raising his arms in a "you-wanna-fight?!" fashion he begins running down the stairs headed for our building.

Not good.

So, freaked out, we lock the door to our suite immediately and tell no one to open the door. So in about a minute we hear violent knocking at our door.

Whoops.

Our buffest macho man Vincent goes to answer the door and tries to reason with the guy. It turns out this guy does not appreciate how cool our nightly strobe light parties are and has been harboring a little anger towards us for quite some time.

So yeah...you probably figured out by now that he wasn't "playing" with us earlier.

So now I have come to learn that strobe lights are not for everyone. I guess everyone can't be awesome.

I Saw The Sign And It Opened Up My Eyes

2009-04-17T22:58:00.000-07:00

On campus there are all these signs telling people not ride bikes or skateboards, but nobody ever seems to pay attention to them. Today though I saw a sign that was a little more aggressive than the others.

So this is the your average sign:

And this is a sign with authority that gets attention:

I pity the fool that dares to skate in front of that sign.

The Karate Christ

2009-04-16T15:52:00.000-07:00

Today in my Humanities class we were interpreting passages in the bible, specifically the gospel of Mark.

We were asked to give our thoughts on the following passage:

And he said to them, ‘To you has been given the secret of the kingdom of God, but for those outside, everything comes in parables; in order that
“they may indeed look, but not perceive,
and may indeed listen, but not understand;
so that they may not turn again and be forgiven.” ’

This is definitely a passage that can have many interpretations, but allow me to paraphrase what I think is perhaps the best one I have ever heard from a fellow student in my class. He said: "You know, right here Jesus is trying to say that you don't need to know what exactly it is you are learning. You've all seen The Karate Kid haven't you? Mr. Miyagi taught Daniel San to wax his car (looking not perceiving) and this came in handy in the end when he was actually blocking punches! You see that's like what Jesus is doing, having his disciples not understand but listen because they actually are internalizing things just not realizing what they are."

That answer made my day,
as did this picture I found:

Facebook Quizzes

2009-04-15T11:28:00.000-07:00

So recently I have noticed that my facebook newsfeed is full of two things: results of people's random facebook quizzes and statuses about how people are completely annoyed and fed up with those facebook quizzes.

Hey look I even put one up:

But really I do not mind it that much that people take these quizzes. I think it is actually really cool that you are Mewtwo or that you should live in Rome. I also think that it totally does suck that they said you belong at UCSB when you chose to go to Davis. Oh yes and congrats on being Albert Einstein, I always knew you should not "be afraid to take the risks and reap the rewards of your thinking differently."

The truth is that I myself am actually sometimes quite tempted to take these quizzes. I do sometimes wonder what math equation I am or what power ranger my personality matches with most. I many times think about conforming and taking these silly quizzes then I see something like this that makes me remember why I don't do them:

But who knows? Don't be surprised if one day you find your newsfeed cluttered with:
"Sameer took the Are You an Angel or a Devil? quiz and the result is Pure angel 0:-)"

Reading Sucks

2009-04-13T09:09:00.000-07:00

I hate reading. I just cannot seem to focus on my textbooks at all this quarter. I think this stems from my habits when I was younger. My sister was always the prodigy when it came to reading; she was in the "red robins," or "blue jays," or whatever birds 1st grade teachers associate with intelligence.

While my peers may have been supercool in their elitist avian reading groups, I was just fine being a little dodo bird. I think I enjoyed my fair share of books...maybe not in the traditional sense, but nevertheless I could amuse myself in a library.
As a child it's not like I didn't like books. There actually were a few I was quite fond of:

1) I enjoyed Goosebumps books. Ok truthfully: I enjoyed Goosebumps covers. Do you remember how good those things felt? Remember how annoying it was to go to a library and see that the bumps on a cover had been felt away already. I regret to inform you that I am probably responsible for that. Yes, I was a weirdo. I would only get Goosebumps books for the sole reason of feeling them up. I don't think I have actually read one.

2) Pop-up Books are amazing. I could spend hours looking at those. It's like magic! How do they do it?! Even last year when I was studying for AP Tests at the library I found myself back in the children's section searching for some Pop-up books to look at instead. I wish my chemistry book was a pop-up book.

3) Animorphs books. Same story as the Goosebumps: all about the covers. See with Goosebumps I at least knew what was going on loosely in the text because I would watch the television show, but with Animorphs I had no clue and no care to find out. Those covers were just so amazing to me. Sheer genius.

4) Where's Waldo books. THE MOST FUN IN THE WORLD!

5) I also liked joke books. I had one from the library that I lost when I was younger. The overdue charge on that thing skyrocketed and my mom was soooo not happy with me about that. The jokes in there weren't even funny! We looked everywhere and it took forever to find that darned thing. Why on earth would I put a joke book in my dad's old suitcase in the back of his closet?!

6) And alas, something that actually had substance: Shel Silverstein's poetry books. They were just so entertaining and deep. Where the Sidewalk Ends was full of so many witty poem's, I just loved it.

All in all it is quite obvious that as a child my reading habits were not exactly top notch. To be honest I think aside from those poetry books, the only books I've actually read for leisure in my life has been Stephen Colbert's I Am America (And So Can You) which was, by the way, the best book ever written, and the first Harry Potter book. I just find television and movies so much more efficient and amusing. I have decided to add a 3rd book to this list thanks to my roomate Chase. Over summer I plan on reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Red Robins here I come!

Maybe I Want an Afro Too

2009-04-11T11:33:00.000-07:00

So after having a day to think about it, I kind of actually want my mom to have an afro, or maybe even grow one out myself. Afros just exude coolness. When I see a dude with an Afro these are the things I think:

"Wow that guy is so cool."

"I bet he's an awesome dancer."

"I wish I was him."

"I bet he gets all the girls."

"I bet he keeps things in there."

"He's probably extremely popular."

Afros are definitely an instant source of coolness, cooler than a leather jacket, and cooler than a great personality. They just emanate fly-ness.

My friend Richard messed up big time. He knew that it was his afro that made him cool. But recently he decided to cut it off. This is pretty much how the conversation went when he told me on AIM:

Sameer: Hey Richard What's up?

Richard: Nothin much I just shaved off the 'fro.

Sameer: WHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?
YOU FOOL! How could you do this?!

Richard: Yeah I just wanted a change.

Sameer: You know what? Without the fro you are nothing. NOTHING.

Richard: Thats why I did it! To see who my real friends are!

Sameer: Oh well I guess the secret's out: I was using you for the fro.

Big mistake. Shaving off an afro is like worse than calling the teacher "mom," or doing the Macarena at a dance. It's just criminal and will take forever to live down. I personally cannot wait to see Richard's beautiful afro again. By the way, this was how Richard looked back when he was cool:

Back then he used to hang out with A-listers like freakin Rob Schneider. He'd be Goin' to all the biggest parties in Hollywood, tearin' up the clubs, hangin' out with anyone who's anyone. You know who he hangs out with now? THIS:

But it is ok. Richard is a cool guy and it comforts me knowing that one day his hair will grow back and so will his coolness.

With the exception of "Jewfros" and Richard Simmons, an afro is certain to make someone cooler. Even if you are the lamest of the lame, an afro can only help. Take a look:

Significantly cooler than before.

Nice try Simmons:

My Mom Wants an Afro

2009-04-09T14:54:00.000-07:00

So my sister called me today to inform me that my mother has decided that she may want to grow an afro.

My mom made this decision upon watching an episode of "Sister Sister" in which Tamera grows one. My mom observed that the afro made Tamera's face look slightly smaller. My mom thinks she has a big face (which she does not) and has decided that the solution to this problem is growing an afro.

I hope to God that next time I come home my mom doesn't look like Diana Ross.

Roll Call

2009-04-08T09:28:00.000-07:00

In my class there is a kid named Marco and whenever the TA takes roll I cross my fingers that one day instead of "here" he'll say "Polo."

The Strobe Effect

2009-04-07T10:56:00.000-07:00

You're probably wondering why this blog post is already so awesome? Why you are so drawn to it. Hypnotized. Drowned in awesomeness. Excited. Euphporic. Shrouded and bewilderment and bliss at the same time.

The answer is easy, it's called: THE STROBE EFFECT

Yesterday I wrote about a band that I saw at battle of the bands on Sunday: The Wizard Wolves. When I saw them I was speechless and just so infatuated with them. The cool costumes, the techno beats, the great sound, but most of all it was the strobe light had me in their wolf paws. When I went back home to go listen to their music on Myspace I was still impressed, but nowhere as much as I was while I was there. Don't get me wrong, I still wish they were opening Sun God, but without the strobe light, they obviously would not be nearly as awesome.

REVELATION: a strobe light makes everything cooler.

The strobe effect is a serious thing. It erases all of the lameness (the portions when it is off) and reveals all of the awesomeness (while it is on.) Perhaps if I rewatch "Catwoman" with a strobe effect on I would enjoy it. Without a strobe light doing the Robot is totally lame, but with one suddenly it's the coolest thing on the dancefloor!

Strobe lights even allow me to look like I can dance. I think I am just an awful dancer every other second.

I should just carry one with me all day. I would become the coolest guy on campus fosho.

Sun God Lineup

2009-04-06T01:06:00.000-07:00

(FOR THE 2010 Lineup Click HERE)

I am not the happiest cookie. But my cookie's not crumbling.

NERD: The only rap group other than Beastie Boys I actually tolerate. 5/10

Iron and Wine: Hippie stuff. I know their cover of "Such Great Heights" from an M&M commercial and I love the song "Boy With A Coin." 6/10

Girl Talk: YEAHHHHHHHHH 10/10

Motion City Soundtrack: Good stuff. 8/10

Sara Bareilles: LOL 0/10

Augustana: More soft rock? Le sigh. 5/10

The Cool Kids: I don't really know them. But they seem cool. 4/10

Grand Ole Party: Nice indie sound. More upbeat than the other rock. 7/10

Rootbeer: Haven't heard of them but they apparently "sound like MGMT plus A Tribe Called Quest." I REALLY REALLY WANTED MGMT so if this is actually true it makes up for them being rap, a little. 4/10

DJ Nu Mark: DJ Who Mark? ?/10 (Edit: He is the DJ From Jurassic 5)

Nosaj Thing: Sounds like a less awesome Ratatat (another group I was dying to see show up.) 6/10

ANAVAN: Really interesting stuff. It's like Shiny Toy Guns + Freezepop. I love it! 9/10

Theory of Funkativity: They will be opening the show because they won battle of the bands last night. They were my 3rd favorite that played last night. I really really really wanted the Wizard Wolves to win. They had a spaceman gorilla, a werewolf drummer, an Elvis impersonator, and a great singer...and best of all a STROBE LIGHT. I wish they were opening. But yeah for them I give another 5/10

So over all I guess it's not too bad. I am a fairly happy cookie. I am just glad we didn't get Sean Kingston as a headliner like last year! Last year did have some great stuff though like the Aquabats, Say Anything, and Coheed and Cambria.

They should have just got Blink 182 and nothing else. I would have been cool with that.

For a different perspective on this lineup visit my friend Nikko's blog.

Trippy

2009-04-05T17:17:00.000-07:00

So a couple of days ago I posted a bunch of Youtube videos that looked cool upside down and amongst them was Lionel Richie's "Dancing on the Ceiling." I went back today and read a comment left on my post by my awesome friend Tiffany Ford. She wrote:

"you know, even though Lionel Richie's single came out like 20 years ago, i still can't figure out how he was able to walk on the walls and the ceiling and then onto the floor again.

:( curse you lionel".

At first I just thought it was a funny comment and laughed really hard. But then I also had to think: "how on earth did he do it?!" I investigated. I could not find anything for a good while. I watched the video trying to form several theories to explain this phenomenon. I even posed the question to the Youtube audience:

Oh why thank you HUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRR for your extrememly helpful answer. Have you seen the video?! That's not just camera tricks fool.

But I am happy to inform you all that after much research I have discovered the truth behind this witchcraft: rotating room made for the video. Everything was glued down and he walked around the room as it rotated.

Mystery solved.

Pea In the Toilet

2009-04-04T10:31:00.000-07:00

I found this in my dorm's bathroom and thought it was worth sharing with the world.

Everyone thought I was a crazy person when I was laughing so hard screaming "omg who put the pea in the toilet?!"

uʍop ǝpısdn ǝqnʇnoʎ ɥʇıʍ unɟ

2009-04-02T23:38:00.000-07:00

For April Fools Day the cyber world stepped up to the plate. Whether it was google's CADIE, Reddit acting like Digg, or all of my Spam email being prefaced by "NO JOKE!" the internet had some fun. But my absolute favorite was Youtube making the videos play upside down! I spent a good while enjoying all of my favorite videos using this new viewing experience. Some videos became so much more impressive and some actually became less impressive. For example: clips of any sport being played upside down = awesome! Clip of any gravity defying feat = less awesome.

(NOTE: You can still make them play upside down by typing &FLIP=1 after any video's URL)

Video #1: Exorcist Walk
Upside Down Effect: +10 for Disturbing-ness

Video #2: Lionel Richie's Smash Hit: Dancing on the Ceiling
Upside Down Effect: -10 for the dancing on the ceiling portions and +10 for the normal dancing portions.

Video #3: Tightrope Walker Doing a Headstand on a Highwire
Upside Down Effect: -100 for the apparent lack of upper body strength the man now exhibits.

Video #4: Girl Walking On Ceiling
Upside Down Effect: +10 for the magical antigravity furniture and -20 for the girl with the crazy hairdo walking all funny messin' with my head.

Video #5: Pong
Upside Down Effect: 0

That Guy

2009-04-02T11:01:00.000-07:00

April fools day can always pretty annoying when you get pranked. I've pretty much never done physical pranks to people all of my life (except to my sister Sarina and friend Vinh from high school.) But yesterday I became that guy.

You cannot blame me though. Picture this: A college dormitory, 2/12 guys alone in the suite for 2 hours with nothing to do on the night of April Fools. So it went a little like this: Saran wrap over the toilet bowl, faucets set to shoot water in your face, and Vaseline on the door knobs.

As everyone came home they would go to their room to open the door, get Vaseline on their hands then go to the sink to wash their hands (face.) Perfect double whammy.

Highlight of the night: my suitemate Alex. He tried one faucet, which shot him once on the shirt. Upset, he went and tried the next faucet which shot him in the face and yelled "AHHHHH."

Also another prank was on my roommate Chase. So Chase and I have heated debates over which milk is superior: whole or fat free. I am a proponent for whole. So yesterday I swapped out his milk. Ohhh I am EVIL.

Ok so being that guy for a day wasn't that bad, but I think I will just stick with the verbal insults against people from now on...and perhaps carry a Whoopee Cushion.

By the way, when I say "that guy" this is what comes to mind:

Foolin Around

2009-03-31T22:47:00.000-07:00

If I ran a movie theater, today I would just play previews and have the people sit there waiting for the movie to start.

If I was in charge of Mapquest.com, today everyone would receive directions that took them in one big circle.

If worked at a fastfood joint, today if people asked me for Coke I would deliberately give them Pepsi.

If I worked at the DMV, today I would mess with people's vision exams, either that or be extremely polite.

If I worked at CNN, today's top stories would get Rick Rolled.

If I was a doctor, today I would demand unreasonable amounts of urine from my patients for testing.

If I made Where's Waldo books, today I would not include Waldo in my illustrations.

If I worked for Ralph's advertising department, today I would make great coupons for products we do not carry.

If I made Pokemon card booster packs, today every pack would be made up of 11 Weedles.

If I worked at UCSD admissions, today I would send out acceptances to 29,000 rejected students.

It's a darn good thing I'm unemployed.

OMG UCSD WTF WTG

2009-03-31T09:55:00.000-07:00

So yesterday my University pulled a little accidental prank on 29,000 rejected highschoolers that went a little something like this:

UCSD: Hello _____, congratulations on your acceptance to UCSD! You're invited to attend this Admit Day this weekend!

Applicant: OMG I got in?! I'm so excited for this weekend!

UCSD: JK dawg

They should have at least had the decency to send those out tomorrow (April fool's day.)

Why Bother?

2009-03-29T20:51:00.000-07:00

Currently I am following the path of a hopeful future medical school student. I hope to one day become a doctor, but a few days ago I have found out how unnecessary I would soon be if I choose this path.

We live in a society shrouded in scientific and technological breakthroughs, a world of sudden change with advancements lurking in every corner. Robots are replacing humans in the workforce and new discoveries are making previously difficult tasks quick and painless. A few days ago at my local Vallarta I saw something that will change lives.

They are called Los Remedios de Mama and they are the future of modern medicine. For just 99 cents nearly any ailment is curable.

Got gas? Diabetes? No problem:

Feeling fluish? Kidney acting up again? "Mama's" got it covered:

Nervous? Feeling lusty? You guessed it: they've got it!

Who knows what else "Mama" has in store for the future. Whether she's out to cure AIDS or cancer next, all I am sure of is that my future looks grim. Goodbye medical school, the future has no need for physicians anymore.

Control Freak

2009-03-27T20:47:00.000-07:00

So this spring break I've been playing a lot of Mario Kart for the Wii and I absolutely love using the wiimote to drive. I was playing today and I thought to myself "What genius thought of this!?" The wiimote is awesome.

Today I went to my friend Jason's house and we decided to play the original Super Smash Brothers on the N64. I was playing and just had to wonder "What genius thought of this?! That is by far the dumbest design for a controller ever.

Ain't No Pardy Like a Jeo-Pardy

2009-03-25T17:19:00.000-07:00

Most families spend dinner time either at a table discussing their days or apart doing their own separate things, but at my house dinnertime is a little bit different. You see there was a time that the family would eat together and channel surf (years ago.) The decided dinnertime show was Jeopardy at seven. Jeopardy at dinnertime existed as long as I can remember.

But about 4 years ago dinnertime got serious.

You see when my sister and I finally became old enough to be competitive in trivia, dinnertime was no longer a time for nourishment and discussion, but it changed into a cut-throat no holds barred Jeopardy death match. It all started innocently: if someone thought they did well they would brag after the show was over, but sometimes there were disagreements, so of course the natural way to settle this was to start keeping score. And that is just what we did.

This little score keeping has escalated to where we stand today. You see, for the past three years my family has kept calendars in which every day we write who was the winner of that night. At the end of the year the person with the most wins gains ultimate bragging rights.

We have very specific rules and regulations. We've stopped eating at dinnertime due to the complications it may cause in the game. We do not answer the door during Jeopardy. We do not answer the phone. Using the bathroom midgame is unheard of.

Yesterday I was hanging out with my friend Ryan and on the way home I ran into my friend Brian. We started catching up because we haven't seen each other for months. I lost track of time. When I looked at my phone I saw the time was 7:06. There were 3 missed calls from home and a text from my sister that read: "SAMEER! HUSTLE! Jeopardy is on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" So I ran. But it was too late. I came home in the midst of Double Jeopardy. I sat on the couch panting as no one gave me eye contact or even asked where I was (completely understandable.) Then the commercial came on and my family snapped out of their trance and frowned upon my absence during the game. I felt awful. A day in which I miss Jeopardy with the family is a day of woe. It's a good thing I am home right now and Jeopardy is on soon. I must redeem myself for the failure of last night. Wish me luck!

Pinata

2009-03-23T20:00:00.000-07:00

I'm a Believer

2009-03-20T18:45:00.000-07:00

Many of you may know Jesus as the central figure of the Christian religion, the son of God, a messiah, or a superstar. But few are as familiar with Jesus as I am. You see, Jesus lives right next door to me.
I met Jesus last year at UCSD and he seemed just like your average buddy: someone to talk to, grab a bite with, play some video games, or whatever. But little did I know that my friend Jesus was totally like the Jesus-Jesus!

His unveiling as a divine figure was gradual. Turning some water into wine every now and then or walking on water, we never really took much note of it until recent.

A couple of days ago my roommate happened to spill a bowl of water on his laptop. It was really a scary moment because Chase (roommate) and his laptop are inseparable. So naturally this caused quite a stir. We frantically kept trying to pat it down and dry every piece of the laptop. We even used the old trick of putting rice in it to soak up the remaining moisture. We waited and waited but nothing worked. The laptop seemed to be a goner. All hope was lost. Chase then joked that he should have Jesus try and pull another one of his technological miracles (like the time he brought the disconnected internet back and when he was able to defeat the immense traffic on hangintherejack.com after the superbowl commercial for it premiered.) So just for kicks we called him in to work his magic. He entered some holy key combination on the keyboard and pressed power...and it turned ON! I am now a believer of Jesus. That feat did it for me. Ever since then I am his humble servant and devotee. I had him bless me before my genetics final even (but by the way it went I doubt even a miracle could help me on that.) I shall keep you all posted on further miracles by Jesus.

So yeah... no need to look forward to Easter this year folks, Jesus is back, and he lives next door.

White Walls?

2009-03-19T14:50:00.000-07:00

Wow I leave the blog for one day and look at what happens. Turns out the site that hosts my blog template and title didn't pay their bills...But the blog should be back to normal soon!

So this past week I have been studying for finals! 2 down and 2 to go. Wish me luck you guys, so far I've been bombing them like a terrorist.

Compromise?

2009-03-17T14:52:00.001-07:00

I am willing to settle for this. And Boots is simply a must.

No

2009-03-16T17:10:00.001-07:00

No.

The Library is for Studying!

2009-03-15T16:08:00.000-07:00

(Note: For those who don't know CLICS is a library at UCSD)

'Twas The Night Before Finals

'Twas the night before finals, when all throughout CLICS

All the students were stirring, the dudes and the chicks.

The trash cans were full of old Starbucks and Pringles,

As hundreds of students browse Facebooks and mingle.

Some bookworms were nestled all snug in their text,

While trendy procrastinators thought what fun they’d have next;

They’d take up the study rooms, they’d rant, and they’d rave,

To the sleepy and studious but headaches they gave.

When out on the floor there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The RSO banished a nuisance away,

Giving purpose to when when his neighbors would pray.

But he was not alone in this distracting display;

There existed a throng of new guests soon to be in the way.

With their voices so loud, so annoyingly shrill,

A group of hot girls think this place is a thrill!

More rapid than cheetahs the lechers they came,

They whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Hey, Cindy! Hey, Claire! and, Nancy and Nina!

Sup, Amy? Yo Ivy?” The flirts howl like hyenas!

As if the library was not yet loud enough,

A chap without headphones makes focusing tough,

He blares his rap music with zero regard,

And I myself contemplate slapping this ‘tard.

But this was not all because just to my right

Were Korean boys joking and laughing all night!

As I sighed and I frowned, I quit and packed up,

When I walked away angry I tripped on a cup.

Then a bag, and a can, and a Styrofoam plate,

I saw on the ground that the janitor would hate.

Acting just like animals they lay upon their desks!

Sleeping and snoring; totally sloth-esque!

I saw that the CLICS I knew was now a home of sin,

With gluttons, sloths, and lust, my patience grew thin.

As I went through the doors it was all I could wonder:

Has my beloved atheneum really gone asunder?!

I hold a strong hate for these library invaders,

Making me leave from my studies turns me to a hater,

So when I was fuming with anger and leaving the sight,

I yelled in disdain:

"Happy Finals to all, and to all a good-night!!!"

The

2009-03-14T11:48:00.000-07:00

I was on Youtube watching a video of a DJ doing a mix of Love Lockdown by Kanye and I was reading through the comments and I noticed a comment with a negative rating for the video that read "this is shi*" then I went on and found one with a positive rating that read "this is THE shi*" Then I realized how powerful the word THE really is.

When seducing somebody it is typical to say "You are THE one for me" not "You are one for me," implying there could be others.

Dwayne "THE Rock" Johnson would be a pansy without his THE.

A person who is living "THE life" is clearly having much more fun than someone just living life.

Without the word THE, 50% of the world's rock bands would be a little less cool

THErapists would probably not get as much business without the THE.

Is Tea You Pee ID or Gene Knee Us?

2009-03-13T12:43:00.000-07:00

So recently I listened to the newest single from Britney Spears crudely titled "If U Seek Amy." The third single off the album Circus, "If U Seek Amy" has stirred up loads of controversy being banned on several radio stations, parent protests, and gaining immense popularity because of it! Look, I myself am contributing to the popularity of this song. Britney has left radio stations in a gray area because the song's official lyrics are nothing to be interpreted as offensive (except if you find bad grammar offensive):

Love me hate me
Say what you want about me
But all of the boys and all of the girls are beggin’ to If You Seek Amy
Love me hate me
But can’t you see what I see
All of the boys and all of the girls are beggin’ to If You Seek Amy

The issue is that when said aloud the song sounds like: "All of the boys and all of the girls are beggin to F-U-*-K me." She sure is a crafty one isn't she? But this little trick does not amuse parents of young children. In an interview with Rolling Stone a concerned mother said: "I was astonished and totally taken aback when I heard my 5 and 7 year old kids walking around the house singing 'F-U-*-K' ... When I asked them what it was, they told me it was Britney Spears. I was horrified."

This month has already been hard on the minds of children with Chester Cheetah only getting crueler and Dora the Explorer selling out as a tramp, they did not need this. I must step in criticize Brit on this, not for the content of the song but the sheer disregard for masking it well. She should have been more sophisticated with it like Bloodhound Gang's "Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo," using the international radiotelephony spelling alphabet to hide their F Bomb. So I am left in a struggle of opinion right now, was Britney being stupid by doing this, or a genius? What do you guys think?

I Will Never Forget

2009-03-11T13:27:00.000-07:00

The year: 1997. I was but 7 years old, a mere child unaware of the evil present in our society, yet to be jaded by the grim truth behind the cold realities of life. I thought today I would focus on something a little more serious that took place in my life years ago, a travesty I have yet to let go.

September 27, 1997: Dust Bunnies, the first Rugrats episode to include a segment in 3D, airs on Nickelodeon as part of their week-long "Nogglevision" event. Other Nick series that featured special 3-D segments for the event were Hey Arnold, Alex Mack, Shelby Woo, and Kablam! Crazy times it was.

What sane child would miss out on this event? The goggles could be obtained through countless products! All you had to do was send in the proofs of purchase and you could take part in this 3D revolution. You could get it through cereal, macaroni and cheese, pudding, jello, pretty much anything! I myself have never been fond of "sending in" for my goodies (I much prefer getting a tangible product in my cereal) but for the noggle goggles I made an exception. I had my mommy help me send in my proof and everything!

And then the waiting game began.

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, "Nogglevision" came and passed, seasons elapsed, and now its been over eleven and a half years and I do not have my freaking NOGGLE GOGGLES! Where are they Nickelodeon? Where are they!? I am still waiting. I still search for them to no avail:

I have been checking for years now if they would turn up but all I get are loads of "sorries" and "did-you-mean's." No I am not looking for Boggle or an Anne Noggle self portrait!

I must admit I am tired. But I will not give up. I hope that in the Nickelodeon shipping department somewhere my goggles are lost and one day somebody will find them and say "goodness these must be sent for Sameer immediately!" I will not give up I know they exist out there. If anyone reading this has some noggle goggles on them please contact me; I am willing to pay a handsome amount to get my hands on a pair.

The Collar Of Evil

2009-03-09T14:49:00.000-07:00

Last night I watched Watchmen. Definitely an awesome movie, I recommend it. I had not read the graphic novel or really known anything about the plot prior to watching the movie, but only after a few minutes did I already have an idea of what was to come. The instant I saw Adrien Veidt at his desk in his white-collared blue shirt I knew where this movie was headed. How did I know this you may ask? It is simple:

Yes it is true, and you yourself may have noticed. Whenever a character is put in that outfit he is destined to be a jerk. Sure Ozymandias (Adrien) may have saved "billions," but that does not change the fact that he was still a total jerk. This trend can be seen on television and in several movies. If a character is wearing the white-collars-with-not-white-shirt get-up he might as well have devil horns popping out from his head.

Last week on Important Things with Demetri Martin there was a sketch in which Demetri was cast as a complete jerk in a restroom insulting everyone at his office. He was rude, condescending, critical, and wearing just the right outfit!

In the movie Wall Street Michael Douglas as Gordon Gekkos is a flat out evil corporate raider infamous for buying troubled companies and selling off their assets to the highest bidder, selfishly making millions for himself while putting hundreds out of work. Why would a man do such a thing? Easy: the collars.

In the super awesome comedy Office Space we even see this motif through the dreadful Bill Lumbergh (played by Gary Cole.)He is obsessive, demanding, obnoxious, and a jerk truly doing justice to the menacing collars.

And yes that is him, the filthy punk who shot Rocco the Funny Man in The Boondock Saints. I HATE YOU PAPA JOE! I hope you get shot in the head three times.

There are many other examples of evil collars out there and now that you know of their existence be sure to look out for it!

DRUGS! GORE! & BANDITS!

2009-03-07T10:18:00.000-08:00

The day began like any other, with my classes and daily routines. But upon returning from my calculus quiz to my dormitory what do I find laying on my desk? Narcotics from my friend Nikko. What a nice guy! I have been waiting ages to get my hands on something to fill the void! ...Those stickers he got me were just what I needed to complete my sticker wall on my closet!

Now I must invade my actual walls I suppose. Speaking of which...my roommate's sticker wall, which may not win for variety, is INSANE! Check it out:

So after the euphoria brought about by the stickers I went to go listen to Al Gores's address to the students. The address was supposed to be about the college's founder, Roger Revelle, but basically turned into "An Inconvenient Truth" part 2. I should have realized where the speech was headed from the start: the stage setup comprised of two trees and a podium arising from a bush. Al Gore = Captain Planet.
For a lot of people Al Gore's speech was a little dull because of his voice. Not to say he was an Al Bore or anything, but I must agree with my RA Ching who said how wonderful it would be to have that man read me a bedtime story.

I finished off the night by going to a much anticipated concert from one of my favorite bands, Rx Bandits! The opening performance was by Pebaluna comprised of Lauren Coleman (singer and ukeleleist) alone and a few songs with Matt Embree (lead singer of Rx Bandits) on guitar. Lauren Coleman has an amazing voice and I am really surprised she is not really popular. I see her making it big eventually (at least a Wikipedia article for goodness sake!) Now here is where I had to work for my Rx Bandits: the next two acts, the Polar Bears and Tera Melos, were not...how should I put this...good. The weaker of the two by far was the Polar Bears who's sporadic style and never-ending song endings just did not jive too well with the crowd. To give you an idea of how bad the performance was let me just show you how the crowd looked during the performance:

So obviously the Polar Bears were not a hit with UCSD. Tera Melos was better, but again perhaps not my style. But finally Rx Bandits came out and the place was revived. It was definitely an awesome show even though I wish they played some stuff off of their earlier albums. They are a band you should definitely check out.

New Layout

2009-03-06T10:01:00.000-08:00

Hey I just wanted to thank my roommate Chase for helping me to get the new template and background to work! If it wasn't for him there would still be polka dots everywhere!

The Shopkeeper Centipede (abridged)

2009-03-05T01:14:00.000-08:00

There once was a shopkee%ipede who sold c&y.
All of the town's c@s, p&as, r@ts, & even the local ant :y
found the c&y shop quite d&y. The shopkee%ipede had a sur+ of c&y to meet the high dem&. 1 day &rew the p&a was so hungry he ended up -ing 2 the store in h*ing his safety. Then &rew was @tacked by a gre@ s&monster! &rew fell into a long ,. The sad tale was reported in all the local .icals.

Does &drew ever wake up from his ,? Stay tuned 4 the s= 2 "The Shopkeeper Centipede! (abridged)"

India is Having the Best Week Ever

2009-03-03T12:06:00.000-08:00

So recently I have noticed that being Indian is suddenly trendy! The newest Target ads have Indian style linens and vases and all the fashion magazines are now showcasing Indian fashions. The words samosa and sari no longer needed to be explained. A.R. Rahman is now on your iPod. And even the news seems to be covering more about India. Why is this all happening all of the sudden? TheNation.com, an online news website, discusses Bobby Jindal in confusion:
"So, given that his policy agenda and value system are far outside the mainstream, why is Bobby Jindal so popular? If he has consistently voted against core Democratic values and issues, how does he appeal to liberals?"
The answer to all of these questions is two words: SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

February 22nd 2009: Slumdog Millionaire takes home 8 Oscars! Ever since that day my peers have been congratulating me as if I had something to do with the production of the film. It's much like how African Americans were congratulated when Obama won the election.

On a sidenote I would like to mention the Indian psyche when it comes to Indian exposure in American media: we love it. If there's an Indian person in the most subtle part of a movie, on a gameshow, in a commercial, or even someone with an Indian sounding name, the phone's are ringing off the hook:
"UNCLE DID YOU SEE THERE IS AN INDIAN IN THE NEWEST SPIDERMAN?"
"Of course I did he was the pizza boy in the beginning!"

Whether the Indian is on "To Catch a Predator","Jeopardy,"or "Iron Chef" it is going to be noticed and discussed in the Indian community. This is where it stops though...with Slumdog Millionaire EVEN the Indians are tired of hearing about it. It has killed the entire fun for my family in spotting Indians on television because we are now everywhere! Bollywood is invading Hollywood! Every where you flip on the talk show circuit...there are Indian people! Dancing! Whether its Ellen trying out some new moves, Tyra broadening her horizons, the Pussycat Dolls riding the song Jai Ho to the bank, or late night talk shows finding any Indian guy to interview, India is having the best week ever. So thank you Slumdog Millionaire for making me cool.

COLLEGE

2009-03-02T13:34:00.000-08:00

This weekend was definitely a great one. I accomplished very little after a week with two midterms, a hefty paper, and two all-nighters in a row. What's great about college is the FREE EVENTS! (free after tuition that is...)

Friday night was the Scary Kids Scaring Kids concert. The show was awesome except for the fact that the three opening acts before SKSK (a screamo/hardcore band) were all bay area rappers! The first of them were the Game Bros., which was perhaps the funniest (laugh-at-funny) performance I've seen. My favorite song of their's had a nice sing-a-long chorus along the lines of "Badumbbadeeebadoobaba." But the icing on the cake was for a song called "Put Your Hands Up" they had one of the rappers wear two large foam hands and dance around to rally the crowd up...it worked! The other two rap performance were lame and my roommate caught the album of Traxamillion....hooray...But alas! Scary Kids Scaring Kids arrived.

The stage was shrouded in darkness and the fog machine was spilling all it had and then the music began!

They started off with a cover of Eye of the Tiger and instantaneously the "hyphy pit" transformed into an intense mosh pit. The show was awesome and I especially liked watching the synth player. He had pretty much no parts so he got to dance around most of the time sometimes doing disco and sometimes dancing like a monkey. Oh yeah and the girl in front of me was on LSD and was actually a scary kid scaring me. She kept spinning around and feeling (or maybe tasting) the music and waving back and forth.

Saturday night was a comedy show. There were 5 acts and every one of them were good. During the show one of the comedians saw a guy in the front row texting and called him out on it: "dude...are you serious? this is not a television im freakin right here and i can see you texting!"
After the show in my dorm we watched Miyazaki's "Princess Mononoke" a really good anime film!

Sunday we drew a moustache on the TV screen in our dorm and I flipped channels for a good 30 minutes as we all laughed at the times when it actually found itself on someones face. Newscasters are easy targets. We planned on seeing Ra Ra Riot perform but then when we went to the venue we discovered that this concert cost actual money! whaaat? so we left. But now I am excited for the free RX Bandits concert later this week. Now back to the other stuff people do in college I guess... I have class now.

Semicolon Taking a Nap

2009-02-27T03:07:00.000-08:00

Heads Down! Thumbs Up!

2009-02-26T10:17:00.000-08:00

How to Succeed in Heads Up Seven Up

Tips for the thumb-presser:
-It's all about the mind games.
-If you are a petite girl poke as if you are a big burly man to leave the victim in a state of confusion.
-If you are approaching from the left press thumb to the right (vice versa) because more mind games = greater chances for success.
-Dispose of all Tic-Tacs, Altoids, and maracas that you may be carrying.
-And if you are a fat person, be sure to tip-toe around the room.

Tips for the pressed:
-Be wary of the above tips.

Handicrapped

2009-02-25T09:45:00.000-08:00

When I was a wee lad I always thought the handicap sign depicted a man taking a dump.

Can you blame me?

LOL, Heart.

2009-02-24T23:41:00.000-08:00

Captain planet was a great show. Great concept: a superhero with a message, dressed provocatively and studly enough to attract those young female viewers (who stereotypically may not watch as many superhero shows as males,) and a (mostly) awesome group of planeteers! The planeteers gave children something to wish to be like (because dreaming to be Captain was obviously just too unattainable.) I remember when I was a lad I wanted to be Wheeler. First off he had a legit name and his power was fire, a power that truly shows necessity in everyday life. The rest of them (mostly) also had cool powers. Wikipedia says:
"Captain Planet is formed by combining the powers of the rings of the five Planeteers, which represent the four Classical elements: Earth (wielded by Kwame), Fire (Wheeler), Wind (Linka), Water (Gi), and the additional power of Heart (Ma-Ti)."

Ok now...come on "Heart?!" Reaaally? Heart? Heart is going to save the day? I am very glad that Wikipedia pointed out that his power was merely "additional." The kid was so unnecesary!!! it always got me so angry. I swear, if Heart is an acceptable power to be a planeteer why am I not one?! I have a heart! It just demeened the whole group to have that dingaling running around with the power to TALK TO MONKEYS. I swear it was like they were letting anyone in. The kid was so useless always getting himself captured like a little punk. While everyone was out saving the planet where the heck was little Ma-Ti...oh yeah, chatting it up with Donkey Kong and freakin Nim Chimpsky. If I was running the show I would just ditch the nuisance and wear two rings, but I guess that maybe just be me.

Congratulations Ma-Ti for singlehandedly degrading the greatness that was Captain Planet and making a mockery of the planeteers. Congrats.